Lydia's On The Case - Petty & Annoying Buyers Beware

I'm pleased to announce I have recently employed the services of a professional hate mail responder. I'm so thrilled with the results, that I had to share with everyone. Below you will find emails from a particularly obnoxious eBay customer (believe me, it's not the worst one I've ever had, but a pain in the ass nonetheless) and the amazingly appropriate and scathing responses composed by the one and only Miss Lydia. (The talent and potential I see in this girl is boundless!) There is more "background" story and many more emails previous to the events to unfold below, but are irrelevant since I'm only posting this so everyone can enjoy Lydia's bent and twisted wit as much as I have.

Buyer: Not to be rude, but the items inside the package didnot appear to be packed very well, and the inner boxwas just flopping around inside the outer box. The plates that were broken wer wrapped inside a very thinlayer of bubble wrap that was mostly flat and sandwiched between the two other bundles. Based on my experience, I would venture to say the breakage happened when the item was initially packed.

Response, composed by Miss L:

Dear Usafbuglebutt,

I hope that you are enjoying your lovely plates ebay item #7339305670. It is unfortunate that the post office was careless with your purchase as great care was taken in the packaging of your items. Please contact me and I will send you proof that the items were insured as you have stated that you have not kept the required shipping number. I would like to help you in any way that I can. I was saddened to read on the feedback that you left that you will not be buying from this seller again. They may quite possibly go broke losing your ten dollars worth of business. If
you do, however, decide to purchase from them again can you please wait until after December 31,2005 as this seller has met her quota of annal retentive psycho freaks for this year. Thank you for your cooperation! I have also read the feedback that you left for another seller regarding shipping insurance or lack there of. I believe that you are suffering from shipjipaphobia, the unreasonable fear that people are
pocketing your shipping insurance money and not insuring your purchases. You can get help for this! You are not alone. Have a nice day!

Best wishes, Marilyn
Happy Customer Service

"Dealing with the unbalanced so you don't have to!"


A later email from same buyer: While I was honest in what I posted, I still felt it should nto drag your score down, and thus I posted POSITIVE feedback for you. The negative feedback you posted against me is entirely unwarranted. I am asking that you contact Ebay and ask your feedback to be withdrawn. If you do so, I will withdraw mine and leave you a positive feedback with no comments. I believe that is fair.

Response: After reading your very sincere and heartfelt request that my client withdraw their feedback, my client, faeriequeene, has decided that she would really
like that. The only obstacle that prevents this from occurring is that unfortunately her other personalities are not in agreement with this particular course of action. I have spoken with them on several occasions about this conflict. They have however, as a compromise, decided to allow faeriequeene to withdraw her feedback only if you agree with, and only after you do, the following: 1) Send faeriequeene her plates back as a gift - well packaged and insured via registered mail. 2) Arrange for the men in black to come and use the mind eraser device on her so that she will have no memory of you. Please hurry - this offer is only good for a limited amount of time.
Too late. They've changed their minds again. They are very generously offering you, free of charge, a bit of friendly advice - next time you request the withdrawal of negative feedback, it would be more effective if it is accompanied by an apology. Have a nice day!
Best Wishes,
Marilyn
Happy Customer Service
"Dealing with ebay morons since 2001."