KIDNEY STONED

My left side was hurting like hell. A sharp spasmic unbearable pain. The kind of pain that brings you to your knees and makes you cry for Mama. I thought that possibly my appendix was burst. I had no fever so really how bad could it be. Maybe it was something I ate, menstrual cramps from hell perhaps. Kelly was out and about doing what I do not know. I think he was at best buy buying me a new computer monitor. He came home and was fiddling in the office. I made my way in there, because evidently I was not moaning loud enough to gain the appropriate amount attention. I started rolling on the ground and crying. I figured it was another ovarian cyst, I had one 5 years ago and it was a bitch. A little bitch, but a few hours of misery and some soreness after. Seemed likely, I remembered that the Dr, didn't do much for me but give me some pain killers and take me off the pill. So I thought I'd drug myself and ride it out. Motrin did nothing, moved onto the tylenol with codeine, still hurt like hell so I took a darvocet and was generally dopey and misertable for the entire evening, I woke up the next morning and felt like I'd been in a bar room fight the night before. Not that I would know what that feels like, but I imagine if I was involved in such a conflict I would get whooped. Assuming I was in a bar I would probably have had a drink and I'm pretty dopey after just one so my reflexes would be off. More on that later anyway. I felt pretty rugged and sore and also a bit hung over. Almost called in sick at my place of employment but did not. Not because I have an excellant work ethic or anything like that but simply because I knew that I would end up doing more at home than at work and I really needed some rest. I did briefly entertained the notion that I would schedule a Dr.s appt but never actually got around to calling for the appointment. My reasoning was that I had no fever and there for I was not really ill. Can't remember much of that day except for that Brandy made me a really good breakfast. Which I ate even though I felt nauseous. I had Kelly bring me a coke which usually cures that for me. I seemed to feel better as the day progressed. By the time I got home I was burning up. 103 maybe, my temp got pretty high. 104, 105, wasn't very coherant. Couldn't get the Dr to give me his ok to walk in and couldn't get an appointment. Apparently I failed to realize that a 104 fever is an emergency. I was pretty exhausted and in pain again, I hurt so much it was really getting hard to determine where the pain was even coming from. I put Kelly in charge of my health and he got me in to see the my doctor who admitted me to the hospital for appendicitis. It was hours before they even gave me tylenol. They hadn't started my IV and would not allow me to drink. I was beginning to second guess my decision to seek healthcare. Of course it took a while to even get to the room because they wanted to make sure they got PAID. Can't remember much about the hospital experience, not sure if I blocked some of it out. They put a cooling ice blanket thingy on me and I froze my butt off. I got morphine but it minimally took the edge off the pain just enough for me not to cause harm to anyone in my presence. I now understand why animals bite people when they are hurt. My blood work came back and that is when they told me that I probably just had a nasty virus, cause they found no sign of infection. The surgeon was generally annoyed with me that he wasn't going to get to rip my appendix out and I felt a little relieved that I would get to leave with all the parts I came in with. They were pretty perplexed by the amount of pain I was in and decided to do a CT scan of my pelvis and kidneys. The tech stopped midway through the procedure to ask me to describe to him the surgeries I had on my bladder. I said, I think you have the wrong chart. The CT's took a really long time. The urologist came in and told me I had a kidney stone and that if it did not pass on it's own that I would have to have surgery. He also informed me that I could possibly be an alien. Just kidding, he mentioned the intersting fact that I had an extra kidney. Apparently I have duplicated collecting systems whatever that means. It's not all that uncommen or that is how he made it sound. No big deal really except that my stone was trapped in the funky junction of two of my freako ureters. I think he said I have 4 or 5 of those things. Shortly after I saw the Urologist I started peeing blood. I had an excelleant night nurse named Vera, she was an angel. She brought me pain reliever regularly and seemed genuinely concerned for my well being. She reminded me of my mother, who could have been an excellant nurse. I called Cristal to let her know we were going to miss Davins party she came to visit me and brought me contraband food and a book. Also a very pretty plant. I intended to give it away as I am an infamous plant killer. Kelly brought the little ones, I kept wishing Charles would drop by with the kids but he did not. I really missed them, especially my Lindy girl.
Anyway the pain was gradually subsiding, I saw my regular doc and he told me that my stone aside I had perfect functioning kidneys, just an unconventional set up. He even hinted that I could possibly have more than just the three. Maybe he was teasing, I didn't ask. So I said, they are totally normal, so I could give one away if I wanted. He said that I sure could. I had the surgery and even gave them permission to record my innards to share with students. The surgical nurse was a man and I was somewhat dissapointed. He was as nurturing as a man could be but his hands were rough. My anesthisiologist made some crack about him doing illicit drugs and I don't know why but for a brief moment I was scared. Surgery took longer than expected not because of any complication, apparently the stone had made a stealth escape before the surgery. Probably they were just examining my freaky set up and recording it for posterity. Or at least that was what I was imagining them doing. They could have just been playing with my breasts. Kelly was a bit annoyed that because apparently I forgot to inform him that I was having surgery. I thought I had told him but I could have been a morphine dream.

When I called my mom and told her about my alien anatomy she was pretty shocked she said no you don't. I'm your mother I would know. I told her that she really would not since I had no clue myself. I assured her that I was normal and that this was just the way I was born and probably not the result of some mutant growth due to toxic waste or drinking the occasional Cocacola out of an aluminum can. She made some crack about selling it on ebay.
I thought of one of our tenants Dara for a few moments, remembering that she was on dialysis. Didn't think about donating a kidney to her as I thought that only close relatives could donate organs to people. Basically milked my kidney stone recovery for all it was worth. Made other people do whatever I didn't want to for a little while. Til they got wise. My plant died, I couldn't give it away because I kept thinking this time I wouldn't kill it.
Started working a tiny bit more, the college girl that was sharing the relief manager position with me flaked so now it was just me. A few months passed I thought of Debrah off and on. I decided that I could do a better job at managing our properties than anyone and decided to take on that task. First task was to deal with one of my previous property managers loose ends. Apparently Dara and her husbands A/C had been broke for a few days and I was pretty horrified. Especially considering her lack of good health. I didn't like thinking of her having to be any more uncomfortable. John the super A/C man went out there ASAP and it was a misunderstanding of sorts everything was in working order.
I looked at her and she looked so tired and so much older than she did just a few years ago. It hurt my heart. I had extended my friendship to her probably a year ago and invited her to blog with a group of wise and wacky women. Since she did not take me up on the offer I assumed she was not interested in more than a Landlord tenant relationship. I don't know if I heard her dog barked or if she mentioned him but I asked if I could meet him. He was an interesting character he seemed to be a mix of lab and dalmation and pit bull maybe. He looked one of a kind. She told me that her husband had found him when he was a pup. That dog was so ugly he was cute. He seemed very loving. I don't know why but I asked Dara about her health which she did not seem reluctant to talk about. I sympathized with her, I asked her if she was on a waiting list for a kidney. She said yes, I inquired about possible relative donors. No compatible donors had come forward thus far. She had a sister who was a match but it was not a convenient thing for her sister to do at this time in her life for whatever her reasons.
It saddened me to hear that. I thought to myself that if my brother needed that of me that would do anything to help him, and then I thought of who Christ said was my brother or my sister or my mother. I just kind of blurted out. You know I have an extra kidney. No really I have three, you want it it's yours. Not very likely that I'm a match though. She said
that she's heard of unrelated people who were compatible. Then I looked at her and said really I am totally serious who is your doctor. I called her doctor the next day I think could have been two days later. His office directed me to the Methodist Texas Transplant center. They asked me some questions over the phone, just basic health stuff and scheduled an appointment for me the next week.
I went in and got some blood drawn, I was hopeful that I would be a match for her but I didn't allow myself to get too excited. Prior to my appointment I informed Kelly of my decision and he was surprisingly supportive, as long as my doc gave me the ok. He was probably thinking that there was no way in heck that I would be a match. I suppose he was being supportive of my nice gesture. It would be 10 days before I could call for the results. I tried not to think to much about it but in my heart I was asking God to let me be a match. Because I know God can make anything possible and if it was God's will then I would be. Ten days went by and I called for the results, no one was returning my messages. So finally I called the local place where I got the blood drawnand asked if the people I was suppose to call for the results were on vacation or something. The center said no that they were just very very busy.

I was busy showing a house when I got the call. I have your results he said, you are a match and I cried right there with my perspective tenants looking at me. I said that is wonderful, this is great. What's next he said that I will need to do a few tests here in town to make sure that I am not a diabetic and a 24 hour urine collection. (Sounds like fun) Then if that comes out ok then I will go to San Antonio for the final evaluation. I told him that I had read that some times an abnormal anatomy (like having extra kidneys) might exclude someone and that I did not want to waste their resources if that was the case so I offered to fax my CT scan results to them. He is going to have the doctors look at the report before we proceed. You would think that extra kidneys might be a good thing in this case but you never know so I thought I would mention it. So hopefully they will get back to me sooner rather than later. It's been a great day.