Mental Episode

I feel a mental episode about to come on. I guess I'll just enjoy it, and hope that Kelly and the children come through it unscathed. Things that I want to say but don't say, or say in such a non confrontational way that I get no where.

Lydia's fantasy

Lydia- Put down that (expletive) broom, don't you touch that (same expletive) broom
How is your sweeping all sorts of shit (shit is not really a bad word) into the garage helping me. Are you a (expletive) idiot? Why on earth would anyone with two brain cells to rub together think that sweeping all the dirt from the house into the garage would be a good idea? Can you answer me? Are there like little filth faerie's that come and sweep and bag up all your dirt?

Kelly- No, I'm stupid

Lydia- If you are going to be stupid and sweep all sorts of shit into the garage you need to use a dust pan and clean it up.

Kelly- I'm sorry that I'm stupid

Lydia- That would explain why you have failed to notice that every time our broken washer leaks that there is a puddle of mud in front of it. Speaking of the washer, would you like me to call someone to repair it or should I buy a new one.

Kelly- Buy a new one honey!


Reality

Lydia- I appreciate you sweeping the floor, could you please use a dust pan and throw the dirt in the trash. Piling it all in front of the washer is not a good idea, it just gets tracked back into the house. (This is the way I remember this exchange but I may not have said please)

Kelly- Putting it in the garge would be fine except for you have all kinds of stuff in the garage that is not organized.

Lydia- When the washer leaks it gets muddy

Kelly- The washer doesn't leak.

Lydia- (speaking very slowly and clearly) Look Kelly the floor is wet and the water is coming from the washer.

Kelly- That only happens when you put in an unbalanced load. You need to be more careful when you put laundry in. You need to pay attention.

I swear, I am not making this idiotic exchange up just to make Dona pee in her pants. This kind of stuff happens all the time.