Men Are Just Happier People

What do you expect from such simple
creatures? Your last name stays put. The garage is all yours.
Wedding plans take care of themselves. Chocolate is just another
snack. You can be President. You can never be pregnant. You can wear
a white T-shirt to a water park. You can wear NO shirt to a water
park. Car mechanics tell you the truth. The world is your urinal.
You never have to drive to another gas station restroom because this
one is just too icky. You don't have to stop and think of which way
to turn a nut on a bolt. Same work, more pay. Wrinkles add
character. Wedding dress $5000. Tux rental-$100. People never stare
at your chest when you're talking to them. The occasional
well-rendered belch is practically expected. New shoes don't cut,
blister, or mangle your feet. One mood all the time. Phone
conversations are over in 30 seconds flat. You know stuff about
tanks. A five-day vacation requires only one suitcase. You can open
all your own jars. You get extra credit for the slightest act of
thoughtfulness. If someone forgets to invite you, he or she can
still be your friend. Your underwear is $8.95 for a three-pack.
Three pairs of shoes are more than enough. You almost never have
strap problems in public. You are unable to see wrinkles in your
clothes. Everything on your face stays its original color. The same
hairstyle lasts for years, maybe decades. You only have to shave
your face and neck. You can play with toys all your life. Your
belly usually hides your big hips. One wallet and one pair of shoes
one color for all seasons. You can wear shorts no matter how your
legs look. You can "do" your nails with a pocket knife. You have
freedom of choice concerning growing a mustache. You can do
Christmas shopping for 25 relatives on December 24 in 25 minutes.

No wonder men are happier.