Nothing Good

  This is probably the exact wrong time to quit the anti-depressant cold turkey but I couldn't think of a better one. They weren't exactly doing much for me anyway and I've been dreaming more without them. It's been a wild emotional week for me for various reasons. I came back from seeing my Yang and for some strange reason I had deluded myself into believing that I would be recharged and better able to participate in reality however this was not the case. I came home and wanted to run back. K's ex is off the wagon and he's been communicating with her some and it's not that he's paying attention to her it's just that there is just so little of his attention to go around. 

  Obviously this is a big deal for him because his child is in her care, but it is also that he cares for her and is concerned for her well being, as he should be. He has a ten year history with her and I realize just how much that could mean. I cried some today, mostly because I didn't get a job that I wanted. Probably the first job that I ever really wanted not needed, not- oh I think I'll try this.  I was just really looking forward to doing something that actually mattered. Yeah yeah yeah mothering is an important job but I don't get paid for it and it doesn't get me out of the house. K's sister is taking care of the real estate again, Ive been doing a half assed job at it lately and we all know that her half ass job will bode well with Kelly where as mine is just another source of strife.

  I have to go to my stupid job tonight, I walked in to quit today but just couldn't bring myself to do it. So I'll suck it up awhile longer.