Clueless and Pitiful

One of the great things about blogging is that you can give other human beings the experience of listening to your hormonal ravings, or atleast reading them anyway. I was about to write a lengthy piece of literary genius(not) concerning how my husband is a complete psycho. However he just came up here and apologized and gave me a hug. I really shouldn't have been up here. I should have been out the door headed toward the nearest Margarita. I said, "I'm leaving, there is formula in the cupboard". I decided that the sensible thing would be to come up here and vent because I know that I probably would have wanted more than one drink. Then who would drive me home? Poor little Ranger would have been stuck drinking some nasty crap while his mother boozed it up. Maybe this is PMS talking,or perhaps I really do want to kick Kelly's ass or cry. Crying is always good. I missed Kelly so much this week but now that he's here again I like him better when he's gone. He came home and was not especially cheerful due to work BS. I don't know what posessed me but I felt the urge to have him acknowledge that I was doing the Loan Officer thing for him/us and that this was not what I would choose for myself. Apparently this bit of info really pissed him off because I then got to hear about how ungrateful I was. It seems that Kelly was doing something nice for me to get me out of the house because to hear him tell it I act so miserably. Maybe I have a tendency to think the worst of people but it seemed kind of coincidental that Kelly's loans were not getting taken care of while he was offshore and logical that he might want me to take care of them in his absence. As I take care of everything else in his absence, his children, his rental properties, etc. Plus he has recently mentioned that I should make some money so that we can hire a housekeeper, due to the deplorable level of scum in our home. Which I am responsible for obviously being that he is gone half the time and I am the wrangler of the little filth makers. Kelly was extremely hurt that I would think that he could be so selfish. Of course he was hurt in a loud angry way. I was hurt that he was thinking that I am so damn pitiful. Like I really needed him to hand me a job. What I wanted to say is Hello! Dumb ass man, I choose to be home with my babies. No it's not always a picnic. Doing the dishes sucks, but it certainly is not my only option. If you felt sorry for me, you could have bought me a massage or something. A massage is a gift, not a job. I then told him that some times it is depressing being a single mother over half the time (with four kid's!). Yes it really sucks that while he is home he is doing other things besides me. I pissed him off sufficiently for him to forbid me from going to the Loan Office. I wanted to say, bite me buddy it's too late. A job by the way that you work 100% on commission, a job that will require great effort on my part. Mostly I just feel stupid right now and I am anything but stupid. Naive, negative, not stupid. I welcome any comments from the peanut gallery.