Old Memories

Tried to Blog last night but Lydia was messenging and Les was talking and since doing more than two things at once is beyond me, here is an excerpt of the messenger conversation. Most of you know this already but I still felt it had a place for other women or teen that might be reading the blog


dragonez: She pissed me off when I was 12 and changed my
whole life

Lydia: What did she do?

dragonez: For starters my family has always been disfunctional.
MY mothers idea of making up was to give me the Saks card. Which has its advantages
but is not particularly good for long term relationships

dragonez: I became pregnant for the 1st time at 12

Lydia: Purposely

dragonez: Our preacher found out when I was 6 months pregnant
and forced me to tell my mother against my better judgment. Last time I ever
went to church also.

dragonez: No I looked at him wrong. We get pregnant very easily

Lydia: I don't think at twelve I had even gotten my period

dragonez: Used to think my mother was lying about getting
pregnant the 1st time she had sex but I don't doubt it near as much now

dragonez: As she always said I was born 35

Lydia: I got pregnant the first time Kelly and I had sex

dragonez: By the time I hit public school in 5th grade I
was testing at college level I was to smart and too bored and left alone way too
much

Lydia: I wasn't cursed with genius

dragonez: anyway I told her she contacted a doctor willing
to do an illegal abortion. Dragged me to said doctor who performed an saline abortion
where they stick that long ass needle through your belly and poison the baby with
salt water

dragonez: Wouldn't nearly call everything that happened genius

dragonez: 12 Hours later we drove to a condemned hospital where I delivered a
perfect but very dead little boy.

Lydia: Did you hate her (your mother?)

dragonez: I cried and screamed the whole time and her general
response was shut up you deserve this

dragonez: For years

Lydia: And you've forgiven her?

dragonez: The nurse was kind enough to tell me that the
baby would have been perfect if I hadn't killed him

dragonez: Have no choice.

dragonez: I make my own peace with God I can't make anybody else's

dragonez: This event pretty much changed my whole life.

Lydia: understandably so

Lydia: I do not think that I would have the strength to recover from that
one

dragonez: The boy knew and was willing to marry me, Diamond
ring and everything, His parents were willing to let me move in and help take
care of the child

dragonez: When she took me to the doctors she gave me a choice

Lydia: How old was he?

dragonez: Have the procedure done or walk away from every thing in my life and
never see her again

dragonez: 15

Lydia: What a choice

dragonez: I would have graduated Highschool at 16 I was
in 8th grade at the time

dragonez: I am not sure at time which broke me more knowing that I killed the
child or that I did it to remain in the materialistic life I was living

Lydia: I don't think that's why you did it

dragonez: His name would have been Brandon Michael,

Lydia: I don't think I could have left my mommy at 12

Lydia: Horrid as I thought she was

dragonez: I am honest with my self it has been too many
years not to be and that was certainly a factor, As was giving up my mother, but
the deal they made was if I went through with it the would not interrupt the relationship
between me and John

dragonez: I made my deal with the devil and everybody kept their promises, The
only thing JOhn ever said to me was couldn't we at least have buries it.

dragonez: He is by the way Joshua's father also

dragonez: BY 15 I walked away from her for the last time but the preceding three
years was its own little nightmare

dragonez: Probably where I learned the art of Self delusion. To get through day
by day who have to convince yourself that you are okay that nothing happened that
you can always be happy

dragonez: Made me very prolife for a while

Lydia: You did not have a real choice

dragonez: Changed my name at 13 to Brandy in the child's
honor but it was probably 20 years before I admitted that to myself

Lydia: I am pro-life personally but I do not judge others

dragonez: I am pro-choice but Personally I believe it is
murder

Lydia: God gives us all free will

dragonez: I also do not believe in Judging people. I figure
until god comes down and go hey you , you're in charge now you decide everyone's
guilt, that my only job is to help those I can and torment those I want