When I write this shit I am honestly just purging and really don't want any feedback or much feedback anyway. You wouldn't want me to start censoring myself would you?When reading my writing please remind yourself that this is Ying's version of reality and not absolute truth. I sometimes tend to omit my own shortcomings. I am not ready to examine my life just yet. God, I can't wait for K to get home. I am lonely as hell. Also haven't had sex in a month which is a new personal record for me. Now this is hard to admit for me but one reason that I have such a strong connection with K is because I didn't really enjoy sex before him. Not that he knocks my socks off these days but it is a bond of sorts. If he quits shagging me altogether than this is definately not going to work because there is only so long I can go without physical contact. I'm an animal that way I know. Like I said, very hormone driven and I'm 34 which is the female equivalent of about a 17 year old boy. I am attracted to him and I do love him even if it is a screwed up kind of love. I do think things can get better, and I am just going to keep thinking that until the moment one of us leaves.I think he's made it pretty clear that it isn't going to be him.
posted by Ying at 7/29/2009 07:31:00 AM
6 Comments:
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Really I do understand the sex part and I fully admit it makes up for a lot of sins. Have been a nympho since I was 12 and have been there done that and gone back for seconds. And The hubs was the first man I truly enjoyed sex with. But then I married at 17 and teenage boys are universally worthless. I remember those 1st 17 years of my marriage very fondly. Unfortunately with a husband 10 years older than i with high blood pressure and on meds that take away most of his desire Remembering it fondly is what I do most of the time now. But at least he does have other redeeming qualities that make living without sex every day of the week just about as satisfying
PS if you think the hormones are bad now wait until you hit 40
Hey Ladies! Welcome to the hit parade of hormone induced life mistakes!
Most of us who had any sort of "dysfuntional" childhood have fallen into the "greatest sex ever equates to love" trap. Been here, mired myself in that for 14 years.
Just a little personal experience here, not a lesson or sermon.
My third husband was the one who made me go, "Oh, damn, this is good stuff" in the sex department. Stayed with through 14 miserable years, put my daughter through hell for 14 years, based on the hormone induced insanity. Even after the sex became few and far between, because of that "bond" you are talking about. When I finally grew the balls to leave, I discovered something - once you've discovered great sex, you can have it with other people! Who knew?
And I get the not so subtle hint, Ying - a "shut the fuck up" would have been sufficient for me. Remember, I'm impossible to offend.
P.S. Amen to B's P.S. You ain't seen nothing yet!
LOL
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