That was harsh Yang
In my own defense I didn't know he was an addict at the time. I had no business in any case. Yeah I know that my missing him is my desire to be loved in general bla bla bla. Thanks for pointing out the obvious. As for the not so obvious, this is going to sound like a cop out but blame it on my mental illness. Maybe, I stay because I think that someday he will wake up and decide that he loves me. Maybe, I stay because I think that someday I won't need anyone to love me. I'm working on it.
posted by Ying at 7/28/2009 03:06:00 PM
2 Comments:
Not trying to be harsh we just know you are better than that and deserve better even though you wont admit it to anyone especially yourself. The mental illness excuse might work since the very definition of insanity is doing the same thing over and over and expecting a different outcome. I, having met the man even understand some of what you see in him, however nothing in his charm or other attributes makes up for the way he treats you and you already know this or you would not be continually looking elsewhere. Reality is that we don't care who you love we just want you to be happy and you have not been happy for a long time though self delusion is something you do well its also something that people who really care for you can see through.
My biggest fear honestly (and events of this week have not made me fear any less) is that you are going to get into a situation you can not get out of. That you won't call in a time of desperate need and that something horrible is going to happen and my only question then will be, What color dress do you think she would want me to wear to the funeral?
Not a question I want to answer as you were supposed to grow old with us and be happy and creative and I really really want that. But you have to want it too.
I am not continually looking elsewhere. There was the demon and earlier in the year there was an infatuation with a friend at the place I volunteered at. That was in no way a physical thing. I am not looking for anyone else and would you believe it if I told you I was hormone ruled and I think that even if I had the perfect relationship I would would have been with the demon. It's pretty hard to comprehend but it is a very strong attraction.
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