Revised, still editing, but pretty much done maybe...

I have read and re-read the custody evaluator’s report, attempting to see it objectively, if possible and not be completely defensive and respond from the feeling of being attacked for my very personality. I understand, and have known the possibility of my experiencing a mood disorder, but I have never felt the need to seek counseling or medication for it. I feel that I am a functioning adult in life, and have a valuable role in society and in my family, and I don’t feel the need to medicate myself to function more traditionally. Prior to current circumstances, when my family was here at our home, I would get up in the morning, help my children prepare for school (make them breakfast if they wanted, help them pack lunches, gather school work), take them to and from school, sometimes attend field trips, or after school activities, and support the girls’ active skating lives. While they were at school, I would try to get pottery work done, and do what housework I could do, in between my work and taking the children to and from school and activities. I felt interested, and curious about my sons activities, although I did feel somewhat alienated from them more recently, which I attributed to normal teenage tendencies. I regularly washed all our dishes in the home for the past three years, by hand, I am not sure why Mr Lowe reports he was responsible for all the housework and dishes, that is simply untrue. I realize that my personal tolerance of messiness is greater than Mr Lowe’s and I tried to keep at least the kitchen counter fairly cleared off and the dishes caught up, as well as attempting to keep the laundry caught up as well. It is true in more recent years, as I was working part time (some years) and trying to build up the studio, that the housework would fall into further decline. I attributed this to the fact that I have not been very good at recruiting the children’s or my husband’s help with housework, feeling like I didn’t want to stress Mr Lowe out as he has always kept a demanding schedule and resists doing housework, and I could not seem to encourage the children to help, without their responding to me with resentment, no matter how nicely I tried to ask for more regular help.

As we work through this emotional divide, I reflect on my behavior and try to understand the children’s feelings of being neglected. I have to be honest, I cannot stop thinking that Mr Lowe’s anger and disappointment with me, as a partner, has reflected on the children’s attitudes. I understand that I may just be wrong, and I am willing to admit that they have these opinions honestly, no matter how they were influenced in the past. I am certainly willing to be evaluated, to determine if there is the presence of a mood disorder, if the court advises.

As for the state of my home. I wish to emphasize, I do NOT feel like it being ‘trashed’ is okay. I thought Ms Miholich was clear that I had left the house as it was left for me, when Gary took the children and moved out, to illustrate the conditions they participated in here! I lived here, with my family of six, why is it that suddenly I am held FULLY responsible for the home’s condition while we were all here? I too, would prefer a neat and picked up home, sparkly clean, but with six people living here, and not much help, that was impossible. At this time, my home is being cleaned up, my children can report that various ‘trouble spots’ have been focussed on, that the ‘trashed’ areas have been cleaned out, and that my home is not strewn with papers, clothing or filth. The children participated in some of the cleanup, and seemed willing and comfortable contributing. Ms Miholich is welcome to come inspect anytime and I am happy to provide photographs, showing the progress.

In my opinion, Mr Lowe should be held equally responsible for the cleanliness and maintenance of our home, as he was here, living with our family, during the time he is reporting. I was at-home, but with the understanding that I was attempting to build my business, while also being available to the children. Therefore, I would often interrupt my work, to attend to the children’s needs, compromising the professionalism of my studio, for the benefit of my family. In addition, Mr Lowe has had his mother’s possessions and many shelves of his excess musical gear, cluttering up my studio, also rendering it, less professional and business-like, for all this time. I have asked for him to help clear it out, so that I could clean and organize my business to make more money, and help more financially, but, typically, over the years, he has always kept himself too busy and overwhelmed with the music store, to work on much of anything around the house or property. He also was not willing or able to financially invest in maintenance or upkeep. I tried not to be resentful of this, but I will admit, it was frustrating and disappointing, to have little interest shown in helping with things around the home and property that I am proud of.

To address the uncomfortable issue of my body odor, I’d like to say that this has been an ongoing problem for me in my adult life. Even when I use alumina-based deoderants, I often end up having strong body odor before the end of the day. I work outside, in the heat, and in the setting of a pottery studio, where there is inherent dust and dirt, in the work. I do shower regularly, although not always every day. It is becoming clear to me that my preference for non-alumina based deoderants, for health concerns, might better be put aside for the comfort of those around me. Unfortunately, I don’t smell myself often enough, so I forget to take steps to be sure I am not offensive to others. However, I don’t feel that having pottery materials or hay on my clothing or hair is something that should be an issue in this custody case, considering where I live, and what I do! I encourage my children to bathe regularly and brush their teeth, and I always have. I am sorry to be perceived as a bad model in this regard, and saddened that Mr Lowe and the children couldn’t find a way to bring this to my attention in a more loving, subtle manner, I have taken steps to remedy that perception.

Mr Lowe’s claims that I should have attempted to ‘keep my part time teaching position, in order to keep health benefits’ confounds me, as my part-time teaching position was not offered to me the subsequent year, and it never carried benefits for myself or my family. No position I have held has ever given my family health benefits. I would also like to address the claims that strangers stayed in our home, and were not introduced to the children. I can recall three instances where I had friends or associates sleeping in our home, but in each of these cases, the person staying was introduced to my children, and well-known to me for several years or more, with no danger posed, even remotely, to my family or home. When the nude models are used in my studio, I always take steps to protect the children from seeing them, and even took extra care when I was made aware of my childrens’ feelings about the nudity here. I run an art studio and in this business, to create wonderul bronze statues, such as the ones outside Dr. Glassman’s office, the practice of creating life drawings or sculpture to a live model is not uncommon.