Compulsive behavior 101

Does anyone else out there plan events down to conversations they will have in each and every circumstance that might happen at any given event. I hate social events I don't know what to say and to be honest don't usually care what most other people have to say. Nobody wants to have interesting discussions it is all just polite drivel and how much can you truly get to know someone in the 2 hours you have to be at a social event. Ugh They give me the willies. Not to mention the fact that my party planning skills are zilch unless all you want me to do is cook and maybe serve. I will even wear those cute little French maid outfits if I don't have to actually mingle. Since I don't know what to say I just sit and reel through conversations in my head and the more people the more conversations I have to have with myself get me into too many people and I just shut down look stupid and hang out at the buffet. It can be very exhausting and that is before I actually arrive and then there is making sure everything is done, luckily for this baby shower I will have my mother, you never think you are going to want your mother a a party when your young but then you grow up and realize what an ass you were growing up and that it is truly amazing that your parents let you live and didn't send you off to a nunnery somewhere. Back to my mother. She will be here and will save the day as usual, thank God because I do want the party to be nice. Children shouldn't have to suffer because of their parents phobias and I am quite capable of spending an afternoon with people I don't know and probably won't see again for at least a year if not longer, because they are family, and I suppose being family they will have to come to understand that really I am just a lunatic they haven't locked up yet and maybe just maybe they will grow to love me for the space cadet I truly am.
Everybody thinks I don't want the party because I don't like the family, I don't even know the family how could I not like them. My world where I am comfortable consist of a window looking out onto the rest of the earth, I have been looking through that window for a long time, very rarely do I go out it and sometime when I go out it is fun and happy and the world is a good place but then there are the other times when I feel like a shadow wandering through the masses never looked upon and only seen through the corner of your eye. And then there are those times when 22 years with my husband shows through and I say things I really really shouldn't. These happen more and more the older I get.