Mean and Morbid

I was not really saddened at the lack of concern over my absence ( I just thought that it would be something funny to write ;) . I have not yet received an invite to Aprils shower. I guess I have to call Brandy. I wish that I had a good drunk story. Would settle for a good drink actually. Sorry he didn't like the pole dancer Mish. Art is subjective, I liked her face and hair the best. I'm stealing some moments to write while the kids run amuck and the husband sleeps. Kelly just got in at 1:00 PM. After I picked the kids up from school I got home and found him lying down reading a book. In my mind I was thinking why don't you put that book down and be with me. So I decided to say just that. He then informed me that he was trying to take a nap, he put the book down closed his eyes and went to sleep. I am lonelier when he is here than when he is gone. I guess I'm just going to throw in the towel and accept the fact that I have no husband. Just a lover that pays the bills. No friend or confidante. No partner in crime. No tag team partner when I wrestle the kids. Could be worse I guess. This morning I went to the Airport to sign over a travel voucher to someone else. Last year because of my volunteer work I won an all expense paid trip to New York but did not take the trip at Kelly's insistence. He did not think that I was healthy enough to travel as I had been recently hospitalized. So I'm kind of once again mourning my lost adventure. I had not thought about the trip in months and had no idea that a ticket had been purchased for me until I received a call that the agency would appreciate it if I would sign the voucher over. Have not so much as left the city since then. Sometimes I fantasize that I lead a wild life after the kids are grown and Kelly is dead. The way I calculate it this will happen in about 30 years. Kelly did so many drugs in his youth that I would be surprised if he lives passed 75. I will only be 59, mature but still young enough to enjoy life. I know, I am mean and morbid.