No good title

Finally, Ranger is asleep. He is a light sleeper these days and this is a noisy household so he is quite sleep deprived. I am quite sanity deprived. The two eldest are at their dads and the husband is out being frustrated at one of the houses and the little Kel is amusing himself so finally a moment to write. The moment that I logged on to the computer my mother calls. (Because she has the worst timing of anyone I know) Of course after she goes on about nothing of any concern to anyone but her and I firmly but politely inform her that I have put aside this time to write she of course is offended because she does not understand that my writing preserves my sanity. What little I have left that is. It is a good thing that I have not written anything within the last few days because it would have been all too dark. I read the sarcastic soccer mom and quite loved the part about wanting to flirt with the neighbors, impromptu cocktail party bit. I want to flirt with someone's neighbors just not my neighbors. More on why I do not want to flirt with my own neighbors later. Neighbors son maybe, the one on the motorcycle. Sarcastic soccer mom also inspired me to by a new outfit. I bought a pair of pretty khaki colored flowered capri pants with a draw string waist ( for when I lose weight haha ) and a tie dyed orange stretchy tank top with an embroidered flower on it built in bra with not quite enough support. It probably would have enough support if it were the right size. I am a victim of gravity and am clearly in denial. I love to write even when I have nothing inspired or of any particular interest. I am going through a rough spot right now. I feel like I have no identity or purpose but to serve my family and that is not at all a bad thing but I would like to carve out some small something that is just for me. Then I feel selfish for feeling the way that I feel. I can control the way that I act, the things I say and do. My thoughts my emotions, no way. I am such a freak that my blood could be boiling I'm on the verge of going postal and I outwardly remain calm. I call this maturity but it could be something all together more sinister. My neighbors son threatened me with a can of pepper spray last week all because I politely asked him not to try and run over my seven year old daughter with his bicycle. So I walked over and informed his parents. Even though I wanted to grab that little brat up by his collar and scare the hell out of him. I told his stoned father and nothing much seemed to happen. I thought that if my kid was spraying pepper spray at someone I might appreciate if they called me before the police. I'll call the cops if there is ever a next time which I pray there never is because I may just smack that kid up side the head and face the consequences. Did I mention, I was holding a seven month old baby when all this BS occurred. I called Kelly and gave him the details of the incident and he didn't seem that concerned. I half expected him to leave work over it but no such luck. The giant house scheme is out the window as even Kelly realizes that it is beyond us. We could swing it if he wants to work off shore until retirement age but that is not the plan. Honestly it would have been pretty wonderful. I admit it, I wanted it. I just didn't want to say so. If there is any noise coming from that church my family would be the ones making it. I would like to throw open my back gate and let everyone in. I want to make this house a home. I might just tackle some home improvement projects myself if I ever have the time. Mishy something about making her home exactly the way that she wanted it. I may be limited by time and budget but Kelly could care less what I do with the house. He hopes some day I may clean it but other than that I could paint the walls bright green for all he cares, and I did paint some of them bright green but it wasn't the bright green I was going for. Kelly was the critique of my mosaic masterpiece. I did agree with him that I need to sand the many rough edges on the tile. Kelly sort of cleaned our bedroom and finally put Rangers crib together. I am not the laziest person in the world I did want to put Rangers crib together but there was all this stuff piled on top of it in the garage and Kelly kept saying that he was on the verge of doing it. I'm going to try and get Ranger into his crib so I can improve the scene in our bed. I hear the Ranger man, the tyrant baby man calls. I must attend to his every whim, my little prince.