Communication Problems

My skin is clammy, my fever has broke. Some interesting yet sad turn of events. I wanted to have some meaningful communication with Kelly and I told him that I did not understand why he has to hang out at the Mortgage Assistants when he was home couldn't he do the things that he does there here. He said that nothing would get done here. I reminded him that he is gone half the time and that when he is home he really isn't ever really at home(well except for on the weekends). I told him that honestly I am feeling very left out. Of course I got a lecture about the fact that he was trying to get somewhere and of course I just kept thinking to myself that this man just doesn't get it. Then I got to hear about how I cannot be a part of anything because what I can be trusted with is limited. He said he would never trust me to pay the bills because he would be afraid that I would screw them up. Of course he brought up the stupid tile mistake.   I feel sad that this is what he thinks of me and I wonder why he would have chosen to be with someone that he regarded as so inept. Here's a little analogy for you. I once had a friend that owned a lawn care and cleaning business. He said that he purposely hired people with low intellect because he found that he could keep those employees the longest and pay them the lowest wages. Maybe Kelly thinks that incapable people are easier to control and since he is a control freak he of course married me. I don't see myself the way that he sees me though. Yes I misplace my car keys in the house a great deal. Never lost them outside the house. Never lost the car. Never lost a child. He yelled that he was not going to let me sabotage this! Meaning exactly what I don't know. I think that we need counseling and I'll suggest it, yet another way that I will be diverting his attentions from the master plan. Kelly is sick. I only tonight just realized this. I think that it bothers him a great deal that I am often times so inattentive. I think that he believes that  if only I just tried I could change. I don't like losing my keys all the time, it is frustrating. If I could remember to always leave them in the same place I would. I wish that I was not so easily distracted. I think that I will try taking some medication for my this Attention Deficit of mine. I will have to wait until I am done nursing the Rangy Roo.