AMAZINGLY SIMPLE HOME REMEDIES - From the mailbag

1. If you are choking on an ice cube, don't panic. Simply pour a cup of

boiling water down your throat and presto. The blockage will be almost

instantly removed.


2. Clumsy? Avoid cutting yourself while slicing vegetables by getting

someone else to hold them while you chop away.


3. Avoid arguments with the little woman about lifting the toilet seat by

simply using the sink.


4. For high blood pressure sufferers: simply cut yourself and bleed for a

few minutes, thus reducing the pressure in your veins. Remember to use a

timer.


5. A mouse trap, placed on top of your alarm clock, will prevent you from

rolling over and going back to sleep after you hit the snooze button.


! 6. If you have a bad cough, take a large dose of laxatives, then you will

be afraid to cough.


7. Have a bad toothache? Smash your thumb with a hammer and you will

forget about the toothache.



Sometimes we just need to remember what the rules of life really are:


You only need two tools: WD-40 and duct tape. If it doesn't move and

should, use the WD-40. If it shouldn't move and does, use the duct tape.


Also remember:


Everyone seems normal until you get to know them.


Never pass up an opportunity to go to the bathroom.


If you woke up breathing, congratulations! You get another chance.


If you shop anywhere but Wal-Mart, you are just showing off!


And finally, be really nice to your family and friends; you never know

when you might need them to empty your bedpan