The bitching post

It's that glorious time of the month again. The time when my otherwise mild mannered, life is beautiful I love everyone self gets the hell out of dodge and leaves Super bitch in her place. I'll begin by saying that my husband does plenty of beautiful things. He works at a job he hates to provide for our family. He rubs lotion on me occasionally and I can't think of what else at t he moment but that's because he's on my shit list. The point is I choose not to record these things. Maybe I am not sufficiently inspired by them, I don't know. I just don't.
Normally when we have a disagreement (also known as he one of his asshole episodes), we just both let it go and move on. For some reason I have this strange desire to torment him.
Last week I misplaced my keys, I convinced myself that I may have locked them in the car. I called Kelly to save me and ofcourse since I really needed him he just acted like an ass until my sister in law said to tell him never mind that she would bring me to pick up my spare. When I asked him if he was going to come he said something like, I don't really have a choice now do I. Buzz! Wrong answer buddy. Last two times that I locked my keys in my car which was several years ago I called pop a lock. Last two times he locked his keys in his car (while his car was rnning by the way) he called me and I said, I'll be right there. In fact I often bring him things that he has merely forgotten so that he won't have to come back home. Why because I'm an idiot. No I do it because a I love him. Lastweek I caught this killer stomache virus and I was so ill and tired and I didn't even get to take a nap. He got the same thing and laid in bed for 4 days then he promised he would help me with house (I guess that was my reward for no time off during an illness) Well he never did and the house is pretty bad and I'm having a hell of time catching up. I had Jennifer come over to help me for three hours and he freaked out because he didn't think that she did enough. I explained to him that she was busy the entire time she was here and that I was doing property management and that she would be over again on Sunday. Then he went on this tirade about how I suck at everything and that he could do what I do better and standing on his head. I believe he said that I do nothing but cook. Actually I left out a part, I had asked him to please not leave a big pile of recycling stuff on the counter because I have no counter space. Then he said that it is his house and he'll put whatever wherever then came the part where he said I'm inneffective, inept and all that. He said the only space he has in the house is his office. At some point he said that he was going to take some time off from work and that I needed to get a job. I said sure, then he said your some hot shot sales person lets see how much money you can make. Kelly is very jealous that he is not a sales person. I don't know anyone in their right mind that would actually want tobe in sales well other than the money. So I am very tempted to go to Kelly's Dad and see if he will pay for me to get my resl estate license so that I can make some money and shut Kelly the hell up. I swear I'm not going to just do nothing with it like I did with the loan officer thing. Bottom line, Kelly thinks I'm worthless cause I don't pay any bills and am a crappy house wife. He can make his own damn coffee at four in the morming , and serve his own stupid plate. I was thinking that I would use house work as an excuse to avoid him. I guess it's my fault, when he calls me and asks me what i'm doing I always say nothing. I guess I should say, well I just changed a really crappy diaper and now I'm scrubbing the tile. When I get off the phone with you I am going to write an e-book and give you all the money t o invest in real estate. I wrote JERK in the dust on his truck on the way to the trash can because I have a sense of humor.Then I calmly explained to him that the reason his ex-wife stayed up all hours of the night cleaning and organizing things was because that is what was required of her and that she really wasn't mental. ( I know I was lying but I was trying to torment him) Then I said that the reason she bitched so much was because that was the only way she could get him to do anything. I on the other hand don't bitch enough so he never does shit around here. I think I'm done now.