Protestations of Friendship

As your friend

I promise

To treat you as if you were family, with all the intrinsic benefits granted to family such as: Interpersonal discord, dysfunction and unfair division of chores. On the plus side this does also include a home to come to and any help I can give for whatever you deem necessary. This may not always be seen as a blessing.

To support whatever talents and goals you have in any fashion I am able, understanding that goals and talents change over time.

To come to you whenever I have a problem with you , and to accept that the problem may actually be in my head rather than reality. My head can be quite misleading and imaginative when it sets its mind to it.

To never intentionally cause you pain or harm in any fashion. Unless you use me to rip off a band aid ,make that, perform any medical treatment, as that is one pain I can not stop and my bedside manner has been previously described to me as atrocious.

To be who ever you need me to be in your life at any given moment, from confidant to hated enemy if that is what is required to make you happy. Be warned there is a 3 day time limit allotted to all hated enemy activity. After which I will do the yippy skippy dance, partner participation in such a silly display is welcome but not required.

I will always tell you the truth, but make sure you actually want to hear it before asking. Truth may be modified at any time based on my personal perceptions or misconceptions of your being able to handle it and, my being able to tell it at that exact moment a question is asked.

Love you for who you are, who you will be and who you pretend to be on any given day.

Things I absolutely will not do just because you are my friend

I will not

Always be right and will in a lot of cases will probably be wrong. Note this does not mean I will not argue for my own stupidity. Feel free to use these arguments against me in future looks at past stupidities or general story hour.


Always say the right thing, Or even mostly, if you want the truth. I have no social skills which I keep telling people but they just don’t believe me.

Always do the right thing. (See above mention of social skills)

Always make you happy, I have enough trouble keeping me happy and sometimes there can be spill off of happiness or occasionally bitchiness, the excitement is in not knowing what will come next.

Always be happy, reasonable or sane. See above plus always remember there is more than one of me in here and I can not always be held responsible for the actions of the stupid people inside of me.

Feel free to add and alter at will.