Stay out as late as you want.

Lastnight K said stay out as late as you want but I suspect that he didn't really mean it. He has barely spoken to me today, he has been hiding out upstairs all day. He did ask me if I had fun several times, but his tone was not sarcastic. In answer to the question I replied yes!
I was barely rested a few hours when I woke to get the crew off to school but I made a great effort to be cheery and bright in homage to the God of the bar that blessed me with no hangover.
L asked where I went lastnight and I told her leaving out the actual name of the bar as she is familiar with what type of establishment it is as it is relatively close to our house and we have discussed it at length. No hangover aside I was still dog tired and this became more evident as the day progressed. I tried several times to catch some ZZzz's but it was not to be. For some odd reason I neglected to eat both breakfast and lunch. When I realized this I immediately went to the fridge and got my dinner from lastnight that was completely uneaten. I wasn't particularly hungry but I was prompted to eat by the fact that the last time I went without both food and sleep I nearly lost leave of my senses, and as I don't desire to leave this plane of reality quite so in depth at any time now or in the future I resolved to force myself to eat. Usually eating is not a problem for me as I love food.
I also anticipate a deficit of rest this evening as I am very anxious about Lil B's visit with her father.
The one really beautiful thing about depriving myself of both food and sleep is that my senses become heightened and it is way better than any drug I know of. Or I assume it is as there are many drugs that I have not tried. When I was waiting for Lindy to get out of school I stared at one of the big Palms trees and watched the Palms sway in the breeze. I was listening to music and their motion seemed to be choreographed to the song. At that moment I thought my life is good. Then of course I started getting philosophical with myself and pondered things needlessly such as my life with K ands when I think about this I do not think in terms of how it would be without him now. I think of how it would be if when I tried to make my great escape he did not follow me. I decided that although my life would be more interesting, maybe more colorful, it may or may not be any better than it is at this moment. There are reasons I chose Kelly, some of them very sound. Mainly I was afraid of who I really was and I could see my candle burning out very quickly. I wanted to escape myself and in him I did that very well for a very long time. He was very willing to control and direct me.
He is who he always has been and I am an ever evolving changing thing. He truly must love the essence of that which is me, he seems to love me no more or no less than at any time. He is tolerating my ME show quite well it is running simultaneously right alongside his own.