SUCK SUCK SUCKS
Every morning I wake up and ask God for help and then I tell myself that I can make it through today. The pile of shit in my life just keeps piling higher and higher. I'm not going to be able to start school next month because now I have to pay Kelly back for all my medical expenses. I called my manager today and said I could return on the 19th. Realistically I don't think that I can work, go to school and take care of the kids. Especially when he is gone over 50% of the time and not available very much when he is here. I'm more than a little disappointed. Not the end of the world, but I have patiently waited so long and now this. I couldn't very well argue with him about it. I keep getting these pregnancy related hormonal surges and they are no fun at all. It is not just the crying or wanting to cry, I actually feel like I have a hole in my chest. It's a feeling that lasts all of 5 seconds but it is the shittiest feeling in the entire world. I might sound a bit melodramatic but I am not exaggerating, it is real and it is scary. A few nights ago I was so scared by this that I scooted close to Kelly in bed and he actually cringed away from me. Then I just felt worse. You know when people say well it can't get any worse. That's a damn lie, it can always get worse. Which reminds me, honesty is so damn overrated. What the hell have I gained by telling the truth? Nothing, not a damn thing. Next time I need a good lie and I can't think of one I will just call Yang or B, I am sure they can supply me with one.
posted by Ying at 7/12/2009 10:39:00 PM
3 Comments:
This is total bullshit. What excuse do you think he would have come up with for you not to go to school if this hadn't happened? Cause you know damn good and well it would have been something else. You are his wife and the mother of his children - besides raising his children, you do 100 things outside of the house he would have to pay an employee for. I'm so furious I can't think straight. I need tequila before I rant any more.
I admit I am completely beyond understanding at this point why you let this whole charade carry on any longer. And the only conclusion i can come to is that you honestly feel you deserve to be treated like absolute shit. In which case all I can say is you do not. Pay for your medical bills my ass if he wasn't such an bastard this situation would not exist, he is equally responsible. Get a fracking lawyer tomorrow not next week, next year, next month, tomorrow!!! you do not need either of these assholes. claim spousal abuse (because that's what it is) tell the lawyer all the stories and walk away with half if not more plus alimony and child support. Give up men for a year until you find one worthwhile. go to school play with your children and live in one of your houses. You are smart, you are beautiful, you are an excellent writer and one of the most loving and creative people I have ever known but your opinion of yourself and what you deserve and are capable of is so totally fucked. I just don't get it
Yeah - all that stuff she said!
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