Dreams

When I close my eyes I don't dream as often anymore. I just sleep, and then I wake. It's a bit dissatisfying really. I've grown accustomed to my second life. The one that I am living while I slumber. Last night I dreamt of my grandparents. My biological father Paul's mother and stepfather. They were sitting near one another, she was turned to the side and was not talking. I couldn't see her face and I was afraid for some reason. I looked at Pedro examining his wrinkled features, absorbing the fact that this a man that has been long gone from the earth. I thought perhaps I should say something to him, yet I had nothing to say. We didn't talk much growing up, he lived in this country for 50 plus years yet spoke only Spanish. I thanked him for being my grandfather yet I am not exactly sure why. He was not very grandfatherly, he smoked, drank, and gambled only popping in for a meal or to sleep beside his wife. I never saw my grandparents express any form of affection towards each other. I can't remember if he said anything back.
  I see my Aunt Lindy sometimes in my dreams, and B has made a few appearances. I wish my Dad would show up. I really miss him. Maybe we can sit down and have a cup of coffee and talk. I would really like that.    Next time I see B we are going to eat Petite fores exactly like the ones that we saw when we went to the art opening. They were so beautiful. After that we are going to the park to swing and if there are an dragons nearby we are going to fly somewhere. Maybe we will just walk barefoot on the grass, soft grass. The kind that where you leave a footprint in when you walk.