Fathers and such

Tuesday night has, for some reason, turned into party night at the bar. I seem to be getting home later and later on Tuesday nights and I'm more and more tired on Wednesday a.m.s! The tips keep getting higher and higher, too, though, so I guess I"m not really complaining.
Lydia, at the risk of sounding like one of those "been there, done that" people, at every turn, I have to tell you another story. My parents divorced when I was 3. My older brother went to live with my dad, and I went with my mom, who immediately remarried. My stepdad was a drunk and there were many bumps (and some major hills) while I was growing up, but he was my "Dad" in all the ways that counted. I spent part of every summer with my bio dad, until I was about 13 or 14 and then I refused to go anymore. I don't have one single memory of sharing an event or even a moment with my real dad. He would come home from work, eat (the only times I remember even seeing him are at the dinner table), and then retire to his bedroom to watch sports and read the paper. Never in my life did he hug me or speak to me beyond "How are you?" and I never heard the words "I love you" from him until 2 years ago and I am almost 47 years old.
My mom died 18 years ago at the age of 46 and I took care of her the last year of her life. Although my brother told my real dad several times that I could really use a call from him while I was taking care of mom, working full time, and raising my daughter by myself, I never received even a single call. When she passed away I never got a call from my father, a card, or anything. To this day he has never even acknowledge her death. This hurt me so much and made me so angry that I didn't even speak to him for years. About 7 years ago Darrel convinced me I had to go see him on one of our trips back east. I really didn't want to go. Now I am so glad I did and as I mentioned in a previous blog, am planning to go see him again this year. We are still not close, and don't talk a lot, but we do speak on the phone several times a year. In coversations he has even mentioned his "two kids" and is referring to my brother and the younger half sister I have by his second marriage. I guess I'm not even one of his kids. But, I've come to realize that like the rest of us, our parents grew up dysfunctional in some way and they too are who they are. Like you guys, I try not to judge and I realized I was judging him and doing it with little or no information on why he is the way he is. He and I will never be close in any parent/child way, but accepting him for who he is has helped heal a hole in my heart I never even realized was there until Darrel made me go see him.
Besides, as B said - how can they NOT like you??? I don't even know you and I like you! Keep thinking of it as a grand adventure and you'll have more fun than you ever expected. It's a shame Kelly won't be there to share it with you, but you'll have lots to tell him when he gets home.