Hey You Get Out Of My MIND

I was going to erase my last post and I still might. At the moment I am satisfied with changing the title and removing one line. Even though I have been advised not to read the demons messages, I still do. I am flawed some how in this regard. I don't say his name or even think his name anymore, my thoughts drift to him from time to time but this is unconscious and something that I cannot help. I try purposely not to think about him.
I was watching some stupid cartoon and a character was defining the definition of true love. The one person that chooses you above all others and that you would trust with your life. I don't trust him with my life, I trust him with considerably less than my life. I have no trust or faith in him period. I don't believe that he loves me, and if he does I don't know if it really makes any difference at this point. I haven't spoken to him or responded but if I could say one thing to him it would be this. Grow up, Clean up, get your act together and get on with your life. I am not going to rescue you from you, it doesn't work that way. Whatever feelings or emotions that I had for you were negated by your choosing the drug over me, over your children, over your own sanity. So quit calling me, writing me, thinking about me because you are only prolonging your own misery. Get help.
Okay so maybe that was more than one thing. I am feeling better than I have in a few days. K is acting human and I think that my emotions are evening out, I am stressing less over my visits to the doctor and kind of just dealing with things as they come at me. I am about to go to the grocery store to buy a few things to cook a kick ass brunch for the family