Silly, Stop it, and I am not the one.

I am not going to be dramatic and for a change I am going to be completely honest. I am a very selfish person at heart. I want what I want and I want him. Today I decided that I could decide not to love him anymore. I l let it go and put it in it's place. Oddly whenever my mind wandered into fantasy, into him I told myself to stop. Every time I interrupted my dreams with reality. It was painful. It is painful but I can do this because I will not set myself up for failure. I am letting go. I am selfish because I have a beautiful friendship with a wonderful person but selfish me I want more. Wanted because I will readjust my wants according to reality and reality is that whatever it is that he is wanting it is not me. I could ruin myself wondering why I cannot be enough but I will not do that to myself. Exhale.. Letting go. I will stop being silly.