Sometimes I think that he is not that nice. It's like little knives pricking at my soul when I hear him talk about others. It should not bother me. He is not mine nor will he ever be. There is just something deeply wrong with me that I would choose to love or want someone that would not choose me ever. I don't know why but it makes me hate myself a little bit. But I think I am done crying. Lie, big lie. I will cry some more and soon probably. I don't know what to do about this unrequited love thing. It is new for me. I want to stop it but I can't and part of me wishes it would go away but another part of me just wants to love. Awww my life is a cosmic joke. I spent 17 years of my life, wasted with someone who was not worth even an hour of my attention and then I find this freaking beautiful interesting individual and I have no shot in hell. I have told him in every way I know how. His answer each time is a threat to end our friendship.