I guess I will just high jack this as my own personal blog and I will spare no details. Can you even imagine what it is like to be completely in love with a being that has no desire for you to touch them. It kinda sucks on about at least 10 different levels but it’s 100 percent better than any of the other shitty relationships that I have been in so It’s welcome. I am having a great dilemma at the moment. Do I wait for someone that loves me or do I chase after my hearts desire. I fucking love the hell out of this man. But.... I am just me and not that interesting. Exhale..... such is life. Well I am middle aged and acting like a 12 year old over this 17 year old trapped in a 45 year old body. Fucking alcohol stunts your emotional growth. My life is a fucking cosmic joke and yet here I am doing the same thing over and over. It is insanity. When I grow up I will will be celibate I swear!! Unfortunately there is zero chance that I will ever mature in any deep or meaningful way.