I make a concerted  effort never to allow fear to be the pilot of the airplane that is my life but at times I am so consumed by my fear based thoughts that I become irrational. I am not proud of this. I have overcome many fears and live with and cope with others. I feel the fear and continue on with my path. Today is overwhelming. My greatest fear is of abandonment this has prevented me from forging and sustaining an innumerable amount of friendships, and relationships. It took me forever to learn how to love. For all intents and purposes it seems as though I am single. I say that with some regret because I have a lot of love to give. Today I am struggling with this fear. A friend became annoyed by one of my many cats jumping on the keyboard multiple times and he said he could not visit me in my home anymore. Pretty much this is the main place we see each other so I became hurt immediately. He did not speak to me today and I feel as If he never will again and I know that is not logical or rational but it is what it is. I cannot think myself out of the way I feel. It is so overwhelmingly real. The really shitty part about loving people is that when they go away it hurts. I am not any good at that part. People leave and that's life. Sometimes they don't want to leave but there is no way they can stay (Brandy). Sometimes they stay as long they can but in the end they just can't handle all that is you. S