Regarding love and companionship

It is a dilemma, I have decided that this lifetime I don't get to have a soulmate or 'love of my life'.  It's okay, I will be wonderful and happy without that and if someone comes along that can love me right, I will be open to it, but I refuse to give up me (actually it appears impossible for me to do so).  Meanwhile my stupid heart keeps falling for something that feels real and right, then something comes along and fucks it up royal, so it's on to the next fuckup...sigh.  I know I am responsible for what happens to me and I will continue to live my life 'in my bucket' ...I tell people I am constantly refilling and emptying my bucket list.  Ying, you are beautiful, talented, full of love and stronger than you know, I know cuz I am the same, beautiful inside and out with all my gray hair, wrinkles and slouchy shoulders.  I think of you Brandy, every day you sneak into my mind and it reminds me that even though I get tired and sometimes fearful, I am on the right path and I can handle it.  I wish I could vent to you right now about my situation with my son, can I go back 32 years and beat his ass please?  another sigh...   xo ladies, glad to be back