Stupid Fucking Ramblings

Awe same old same old here. I guess no one is reading this shit, and I am just blogging in your  memory my friend. I really miss the hell out of you Brandy Lare Dickerson. it is always nice to have friend that can see the future. It is even better when she cooks you breakfast, feeds you chocolate and tells you how amazing, and talented you are. Is it vain of me to say that I really miss that. I have a confession to make.
   She wanted to give the cross painting to Dona but I asked her for it. I have it at K's house. I asked her to sign it and she wrote on the back and sometimes when life is really shit her words are the only thing  that keeps me going. I am not being dramatic but I insert myself into some pretty dramatic situations. They are all of my choosing. I like Crazy town, I have set up shop here.
  So I don't think I am going to die anytime soon from my super rare and super shitty disease and honestly that was a little anti climactic for me. I mean I like sucking air and all but I was ok with it. I am currently coming down off a pretty high dose of steroids and I blame that for most of my emotional bullshit but probably 60 no 80% of it is just me allowing myself to feel something.
Did he mean that I don't know what love is? I didn't get into it and it probably doesn't even matter. I try too fucking hard. Well on a positive note, I have seen the future and it does not entirely suck so I am hanging in there.
  So currently I am suffering from a lack of physical company and I am trying to get over that bullshit, I am convincing myself that it is over rated. But really it is not, for me at least. Isn't it fucking hilarious how I can go from being uncomfortable with physical intimacy to fucking craving it. Now that is some screwed up shit right there. But I would rather skip it than to be with someone like K.

I am a mess. Oh did I mention that my hair is falling out, why yes it is lol.