A Lot Of Things That I Don't Like About Kelly

Did I say that I missed that man? I'm feeling a Lydia about to become pissed off episode coming on,more on that later. At the moment I can't say much that is nice about the one that I love. He does a job that he hates because he's afraid to do anything else or trust me to contribute to the family. He doesn't open doors and if there is anything heavy to lift he's annoyed that I ask him. It's more likely that he'll ask me to help him move something. He sometimes brings in groceries on demand but grumbles about it and acts really annoyed. Actually me asking anything of him really seems to annoy him, like I am interrupting him getting something of utter importance accomplished. I have tried very hard to give Kelly his space, personal freedom, not be to clingy or needy but I'm getting nothing here. (And here's where the mad rant begins) Everyone had to see this one coming. I get the pleasure of running errands with him for a half day about every other week where he grumbles about his complaint of the day which is sometimes me and sometimes it's just how he can't get anywhere in life. We eat a rushed lunch together and then part ways he usually give me some type of errand or assignment to do while we are apart and then at the end of the day he complains that I did not accomplish enough. At which point remind him that I was home for only a short period of time and that there were diaper changes, feedings etc. Yes he does laundry but only because he realizes that if he didn't we would be swimming in dirty clothes. Not an expert at laundry, it gets a bit backed up. Okay, I suck at keeping up with the laundry. I appreciate that Kelly does the laundry when he is at home. He complains and is resentful about it for the most part. What brought this on you may wonder? Kelly has just more or less announced that he will make this working two weeks straight the norm. Now he did say that we would talk about it but what that really means is that regardless of what I think or feel he's going to do what suits him. It sucks but it's the truth. Some times I actually convince myself that I want things that I really don't just so that It won't hurt that I am totally disregarded. The whole time that Kelly has been gone I have shared with him how two weeks alone with four kids is a bit much for me and that I am really glad that this isn't a regular occurrence. Well I should probably be asking God for some enlightenment. Okay God please enlighten me. I wake up every day and I try. He says that he misses me when he is gone but when he is home he doesn't act that way. His houses are first, we are second. He says that it is all for our family but the guy is pretty clue less. Now I am sure if he read this all he would see is how I am unappreciative and ungrateful. Even though I should not assume anything but I know this man so it is a pretty good guess. When I try to communicate with him about my feelings he says that his actions have nothing to do with me that I take everything too personally. Then I just scratch my head and walk away feeling somehow selfish and unsupportive. I know that Kelly loves me but I don't think that he likes me very much. I asked him if he wanted to read something that I wrote and he said yeah later. Later never came. I wrote him a letter a few months ago. It took him days to read it. I don't know where this is going. Here's the part where I say something nice about Kelly. Kelly is a good person, he's very honest sometimes to a fault. He denies his children no opportunities. He helps others (he never minds when I sign him up to work at Loave's and Fishes) He treats his tenants well. He recycles. He's sober. He's a good provider. I truly envision myself with this man for all of my days. He just doesn't get it. Kelly Nolen is emotionally retarded. Kelly was a whole lot cooler when he was in lust with me. We should have just lived in sin things would probably have been better. I guess that's enough purging for now. Would like to do the pool, barbecue thing but I don't know that it will happen. Please note that I have been alone with four kids for two weeks and have little sense left.