Some small part of me wants to just be miserable but the greater part of me the part that is truly me just wants to get on with life. So I prayed this morning that God would remove any thoughts of the demon that may be lingering within me. Going to have someone help me clean the house tommorrow. I am going to go grocery shopping today and I also need to go by the school and drop some papers at the financial aid office. so much to do and I don't want to do any of it and yet I am trudging along putting one foot in front of the other. I am even going to curl my hair and paint on a face. I dreamt last night about visiting my old high school with my daughter only this time she was the student. In previous a dreams I am always the student. I remembered looking across the field for the grove of Eucalyptus trees and then remembering that in reality they were long gone but in the distance I see another grove of tall Eucalyptus trees. I think that my dream means that it is time for me to grow up (my daughter being the student rather than I). The significance of the trees is not so obvious. I used to love those trees, each day I would take the long way around the field just so I could be near near then and breathe in there scent. Each Spring they would be filled with beautiful butterflies. Then one day they were cut down and I truly mourned them, I loved them that much. So I think that in the dream the trees in the distance were new people or new life that I am yet to experience. It also may be significant that the reason that was given for the removal of the trees were that they were diseased. Even though I never saw any signs of this but then again I was a 14 year old girl and not a tree expert. I guess the trees could be similar to a person in my life. Drug addiction is a disease, if I did not believe it before I believe it now. I thought of Jennifer this morning and I felt bad about how judgemental I was of her and now I understand that while in the grips of her addiction that she truly must have had no control over her life. It seems like a foreign concept that one could have no control but in light of recent events I have come to believe it wholeheartedly.