Beautiful

The strange thing about feeling absolute peace with me is that I rarely take the time to record it. I just live in it and let it flow. I don't know how it happened exactly but each day I wake up and I am happy to be in a new day. Crap still happens but I'm still content and it's not like adversity just rolls off me either. It is more that God is teaching me so much these days. I finally stopped tuning God out and I am amazed by what it has done for me. I feel Beautiful, I feel guiltless, and I am full of gratitude. My dreams have been better than ever, I just close my eyes for a second and it's a movie flying by on the screen in my mind. The reel is playing so fast that I can't even register what it is but they are not negative whatever they may be. They slow down a bit when I am in deep slumber. So many things have changed within me. When I think about the recent past it is not to dwell. When I remember Carlos, I wish him well and try to send something positive his way. Even he had a purpose in my life. I think that he was a catalyst for change within my life. However strange that may sound. I bare him no ill will, only love and believe me that was not the case just a month ago or even a week ago. Against the urging of many I am not taking any sort of antidepressant. In my experience I have found that at best these chemicals leave you flat and unable to feel. I think that there are some things that you just need to live through.