When someone starts out a phone conversation with I've been trying to get a hold of you since two in the morning. You know it's not going to be good. Especially when the person on the other end of the line is a relative that you never hear from. My father had a stroke two days ago. I called my sister in law to tell her and was pleasantly surprised that my brother answered the phone. I thought that he was in Iraq, they gave him two weeks leave to meet his new son. Maximus Alexander is the name of the new addition. That kind of makes Ranger and Blaze sound normal, doesn't it? The wierdest thing was as my uncle was telling me about my Dad I knew everything that he was going to say. Like he was only repeating the things that I knew already. It was a surreal moment, is that what real shock feels like? My father is as free a spirit as I've encountered and I know that losing any of his independence will kill him. I wanted to load the kids in the truck and just start driving. God I love my father. Just because he is my father and for no other reason. I talked to him on the phone last night and he seems to be doing as good as he can be. He can move his arms and legs. He says that he doesn't have th eequilibrium to walk but I think it may be a lot worse than that. He seems mentally sharp. I know very little about strokes. The soonest that I can realisticly leave is Wednesday. I'll leave the kids with Connie from Church til Kelly gets off of work and he'll care for them until my return on Saturday. My brother and I will arrive in Los Angeles at the same time. I am looking forward to seeing him. Here's another secret. I'm afraid my brother will go back to Iraq and I will never see him again. Ever so often there are about 3 or four people standing on the corner in front of Starbucks protesting the war and each time I see them I want to jump out of the truck and join them but I never do. I talked to my Aunt (my fathers only sister) and in between her sobbing she conveyed to me the following message. She asked me to forgive my father for being who he is because he was raised never to express his emotions. I don't know that I've ever held anything against him for his apathetic participation in my life. It has baffled and at times hurt me but I'm not sure I was ever angry about it. If I ever was, I can't remember it. My father is not an old man, just 58. Kelly discouraged me from leaving but did not forbid it. Although he said that he didn't see why I would. I don't exactly know what that was suppose to mean but I basically ignored it and by basically ignoring it I mean to say that and the conversation that followed was unproductive.