And the crowd cheers....

Okay, Brandy's blog has inspired me to blog twice in the same day - a real miracle.
As I was reading Brandy's blog, I found myself cheering and applauding.
I'm at a loss as to why it's not until later in life, after we've given so much of ourselves, that we suddenly realize we matter too, and 95% of the crap we worried, fretted, and made ourselves sick over for years is just that - crap. None of it matters. Which only reiterates what Brandy says - you have to learn not care.
Brandy hit on several good points - first, we learn it from our mothers. No matter what they TELL us, we learn what they SHOW us. Second, WE raise men. So, in essence it's our fault they turn out the way they do. We owe it to future generations to teach our sons (and grandsons) those things Brandy mentioned. After all, those are the qualities that make REAL men - not the kind of men our society makes men think they should be.
I was telling Brandy the other day that I spent 14 years in an incredibly crappy (I seem to have a very limited vocabulary tonight) marriage because I "loved" him. Put up with the kind of stuff you think only happens on soap operas or bad Lifetime movies. (Is there such a thing as a good Lifetime movie? I digress....) For the last 11 years I've been with someone who has made me believe I never had a clue what real love was before. This man is truly my soul mate, my other half, and every other cliche' I heard all my life but didn't understand. I would take a bullet for him in a heartbeat. Yet, I have not, and never will, take 1/100th of the shit from him I took from my ex. I have finally learned that "love" does not mean demeaning, degrading, or lessening myself in any way, shape, or form. And a man who truly loves you wouldn't let you, much less expect you too. And when you love someone you are HAPPY for their joys, their accompishments, their good fortune in winning a trip!!
The stepchild thing - I can (again) relate. I have been in every chair at the particular dinner table - I've been the stepchild, the stepparent, the parent of the stepchild. Every one of those positions is basically a bitch. It's hard to be any of those things and there is no easy solution. Brandy's advice is pretty much exactly what I would tell you. Katy wants you gone. Katy wants her mom and dad together. You will never change that and shouldn't beat yourself up over it. All you can do is change your reactions to it. I went through much the same thing with all 3 of Darrel's kids for many years. And since I raised Derek the last 5 years he was home, it was a nightmare sometimes. I spent a lot of time being physically sick over the way they felt, bending over backwards to do any and every thing I could think of to "fix" it (don't even get me started on our "fixation" with "fixing" everyone and everything!!) until I finally ended up so sick I had to drop out of school for a semester. Had stressed so badly over it that although I was drinking gallons of water a day, I dehydrated so badly the muscles in my legs shrunk and I "limped" around all hunched up. (a pretty sight walking the campus) Was told by the doctors that my electrolytes and sodium and other chemical levels were so low that it was a wonder I hadn't had a heart attack and would have shortly. That was when I realized I had to adopt the "I don't care" attitude. I was killing myself - the kids weren't. I was friendly, did all the normal things I did before - just didn't care if they like me or not. Guess what - today Derek is one of my best and closest friends. Darrel teases me all the time that I'm calling my "girlfriend" because he and I talk on the phone for hours about nothing. Derek and Tracy (one of Darrel's daughters) told me a few weeks ago I was more of a mother to them than their own mother ever was. (Their mother is in their lives, but she left them with Darrel when the were 3, 4, and 7.) Anyway, I never wanted to be their mother and I still encourage them to be forgiving of the stupid things she did when she was young, and ... oh hell... I digress again. Anyway, the point is, even if they didn't come around to being my friends, I saved myself a HUGE amount of heartache and emotional, spiritual, and physical pain by realizing I could never change them. I could only be me and hope someday they'd realize I wasn't so bad.
I now have cramped fingers and so much rattling around in my brain it's about to explode. Good night!