Parental Unit Malfunction

As the child of the typical dysfunctional American Family I too have experienced the every six months calls with various relatives including my father. Most of the time I talked to my stepmother without whom I would not have survived teenagehood. But my father not so much. There were turbulent times in that relationship starting most likely with him not coming to rescue me from my mother when my parents divorced and I did not see him for almost a year. At 5 the cost of airplane tickets to another state never crossed my mind. He went on to replace us with another family. How dare he said my little mind. Never mind me getting preggers at 12 and again at 15. Communication dwindled though time but the relationship remained with phone calls every 6 months. This past month while in Houston going through my recent experience as a cast member in the twilight zone my father came for a week to be my caretaker. The sad part is he actually called and asked my permission to come or had my step mother do it. I was kinda surprised he felt the need to ask. It was a wonderful week we had not been alone together for an extended period of time for decades. I heard stories of his childhood things that should have been mine growing up but missed cause we were not together. We are still very different people, politics in particular but at the end he is still daddy and an excellent nurse he can shoot heparin like a pro. I would not have traded it for the world.

One of the freeing things about growing old and having kids is the realization that our parents are just people. Flawed dysfunctional people just like us with their own fears and weaknesses that as children we never noticed or were never told about. I didn't find out I had a sister until I was 25. So call your dad view him as a stranger figure out what makes him tick, think of it as a game. Chances are if you put the past truly behind you and adopt my motto of "I don't care" by accepting people for all their flaws you will find that there is a relationship in there you might cherish.

Or he could be a complete putz and you should stay away only you know that. But think truly about who you are. Is there no part of you that resembles him is there nothing in your life that you excelled at to spite him? What I learned most from my parents was how not to parent. But that was an excellent thing to learn. By being alone all the time I learned independence and how to rely on myself for the things I wanted in my life. By being given money instead of love I learned to give my children love and no money. For all the mistakes they made raising me and all the things I thought were mean, terrible and hurtful I learned not to make those mistakes and not to hurt the people I love. I love my life and who I am now, so I have to in fact thank them for every blessed mistake they made.

Its your life Cleo you get to decide who is in it but don't throw away family without realizing you may still have things to learn from them even if its just what not to do. He may even need your help to become the person he should be. Its a lot easier to talk every 6 months than it is to rebuild a bridge you have burned to the ground.