I have made a commitment to journal every day. You people sure are lucky. It seems that I have lost the ability to journal without a public forum. Can you believe that once I even kept a loose leaf journal that no one read but me? I keep trying to ressurect that habit but it just isn't working for me anymore. Yesterday after church we went out to eat Chinese food and they ended up sitting the little tray of fortune cookies in front of me so I ate two instead of one. My first fortune said that I would soon run into someone from my past. Now I have t o say that I was not too excited about this as the last person from my past that I "ran" into I would rather have run over. I don't know why I would care what a stupid fortune cookie said it's not like I was going to run out and buy a lotto ticket with my lucky numbers on the other side. The little strip in the second cookie said that I would be receiving good news. My subconscious must be working over time because last night I had a dream where s person from my past gave me good news. It was a perfectly weird dream like all of the traditional movies that play in my mind. I'll blog about it later if I still remember it by then. Odds are that I won't. The jist of it was that "Now is the time to be happy". Right now I need to press the publish button, so that just in case I don't get back to the computer today I will at least get credit for todays effort or does it still count even if I don't publish it?

The intentions of men and fear of intimacy

Last night I was working with L at the concession stand. A friendly father was making idle conversation with us and asked L what kind of guys she liked. I immediately went into fierce mother lion mode and answered for her. "None!", I said "she is 13!" L took her cue from me and put him on her weirdo radar and ignored him for the rest of the evening. I know that L likes boys, though she is hardly boy crazy in comparison to her peers but I find it very inapropriate for a man we hardly know to be asking her about such things. I am always suspect of the intentions of men when it comes to my daughter or any of my children for that matter.

I have been thinking about Cleo's dirty men blog and it reminds me that there once was a time when I had intimacy issues. I've never had an issue's with lovers that I have noticed, just in all other normal areas. If I shook someones hand I would be the first one to pull away. It wasn't a germ phobia or even something that I was consciously aware of until I had someone point it out to me. I have only very recently (like the last five years become comfortable with hugging those I love). This does not apply to my children, I am very affectionate with them. I still do not really like hugging people that I do not love. Of course I blame my parents for this. They were never spontaneously affectionate or it could have been that I am naturally just a cold person. Although I don't view myself that way.