For Xerxes

Funeral Blues

Stop all the clocks, cut off the telephone,
Prevent the dog from barking with a juicy bone,
Silence the pianos and with muffled drum
Bring out the coffin, let the mourners come.

Let aeroplanes circle moaning overhead
Scribbling on the sky the message He is Dead.
Put crepe bows round the white necks of the public doves,
Let the traffic policemen wear black cotton gloves.

He was my North, my South, my East and West,
My working week and my Sunday rest,
My noon, my midnight, my talk, my song;
I thought that love would last forever: I was wrong.

The stars are not wanted now; put out every one,
Pack up the moon and dismantle the sun,
Pour away the ocean and sweep up the woods;
For nothing now can ever come to any good.

-- W.H. Auden

EVEN WORMS HAVE THEIR PLACE!

lydia : I'm back, and I'm trying to decide if I should regale you with the fish feet worm story or if I should blog it

Dona : do both. blog it and i can read it there

Dona :or tell me and then copy and paste it to the blog

lydia: Ok I will tell you but I usually suck at these quick recounts

Dona: then blog it. make up your mind woman

lydia : Well there I was sitting in the water with in my very cool beach chair just wactching the fish.When I decided that I was going to catch one to show the kid's ( this is not a very good story by the way) So I got Lil Kels big blue bucket and dipped it in th ewater multiple times with no luck
Dona: all your stories are mesmermizing and amusing
lydia: Those little buggers were way t oo talented for me so I gave up and I just continured to watch them. I dug holes in the sand with my feet. When all of the sudden I felt my feet being tickled! I looked down and it looked like my feet were being eaten by baby piranhas. It felt good though.
lydia: Remember I'm weird
lydia: So I just stared at the little silver fish just watching them eat my feet. Then I decided they were actually kissing my feet because it didn't hurt.( but it did look like they were eating something) and pretty little fish of various (small) sizes were coming from far away just to hang out with me!
lydia: I was the damn fish whisperer here comes the gross part of the story
Dona: LOL. exactly what i was thinking
Dona: sorry- go ahead and be gross
lydia: Then when the water got really clear I could see that by digging the holes with my feet I was making these itty bitty tiny worms come out of the sand , I can't believe I even saw them with my eyes
Dona: EWWWWWWWWWWWWWW
lydia: they werethinner than a strand of hair
lydia: and the fish were feasting at my worm infested feet
lydia: yeah ewwwwww!
lydia: but I still took advantage of it
Dona: but how kind of you to risk personal worm infestion for the sake of the little fishes
lydia: I did it one more time and had the bucket ready.I caught about 50 lil fish for tehkids to look at.
lydia: I never said it was a good story. Then we dug a channnel back to the ocean and filled it with water and let the fish go one by one.
lydia: we figured that we should do it before the men got back and wanted to use them as bait.
lydia: Was that a weird story or what?
Dona: i loved it.
Dona: i think it's a great story.
lydia: I wish I never noticed the worms
lydia: I would have thought I had magic feet
Dona MasonReneau: even worms have their place

Be Happy!

I've decided that today I am going to love the world. I will not harbor harsh thoughts about anyone and will always look for a reason to smile.
That's my hope for the day, anyways. Going to Hooterville this afternoon, so it will be a true test of my positive resolve.

Words of Wisdom at 5:30 A.M.

Birds of a feather flock together, and then they poop on your car.

There's always a lot to be thankful for if you take time to look for it. For example I am sitting here thinking how nice it is that wrinkles don't hurt.

When I'm feeling down, I like to whistle. It makes the neighbor's dog run to the end of his chain and gag himself.

If you can't be kind, at least have the decency to be vague.

Don't assume malice for what stupidity can explain.

A penny saved...is a government oversight.

The real art of conversation is not only to say the right thing in the right place, but also to leave unsaid the wrong thing at a tempting moment.

The older you get, the tougher it is to lose weight, because by then your body and your fat are really good friends.

The easiest way to find something lost around the house is to buy a replacement.

He who hesitates is probably right.

If you think there is good in everybody, you haven't met everybody.

If you can smile when things go wrong, you have someone in mind to blame.

The sole purpose of a child's middle name is so he can tell when he's really in trouble.

The mind is like a parachute; it works much better when it's open.

The only difference between a rut and a grave...is the depth!

Lessons

Spent a day on the beach this weekend, and spent the night there. I think everyone learned a little something.

Lil Kel learned that when Mommy says, "Trust me," he should. Saturday evening Lil Kel asked to use the restroom (apparently he had just been peeing in the ocean all day). I was leading him towards the edge of the dunes to pee. He asked why we couldn't use the green port a potty's. I said trust me this is better. I suppose if you are 6 years old and you have been so blessed that you have never had to use a port a potty and the port a potty is your favorite color it might look like fun. Next time around I gave him his wish and he was so offended by the stench and traumatized by the sight of a big pile of crap that didn't come out of him that he swore a solemn oath always to trust his mother's judgement.

Big Kel learned that sometimes he should listen to his wife.

Lydia learned that she should be more assertive. It would save Kelly and herself a lot of grief.

It was 7-ish and Lydia asked Kelly for the shovel so that she could clear the seaweed off the sand to make a place for the tent. Then Mike announced that we should borrow Mark's rake as it was the coolest, best rake in the world. Kelly concurred. It is important to note that although everyone keeps talking about Mark, I have no idea who this person is or I would have asked to borrow his rake. Then I said, "It is getting late, so let's put the tent up before dark." Then Kelly said, "I'm about to leave, but it will still be light out when I get back."

It would have been light when he came back if he had stayed only as long as he had planned. He, of all people, should know that things often do not go as planned. Sometimes when we are having great fun and yacking it up with those we feel connected too, we have no desire to rush back to our better half. Sometimes it is against better judgement, especially when you have chosen to inadvertantly abandon your spouse and children with no light source on a beach littered with throngs of recovering addicts. Shortly before nightfal Ranger and I cleared out a place for the tent and smoothed out the sand. Just then Kelly returned and as we pitched the tent he proceeded to moan and bitch about how I wasn't holding the flashlight in the appropriate location. The assembling of the shelter in the dark was a frustrating experience for both Kelly and I. The funny thing is that I think Lil Kel and I could have accomplished it in about 10 minutes during the day. The wind had also picked up a bit, which made the task more difficult than it really needed to be.

I know this was a really shithead thing to say, but I did not forget to mention that it would have been a lot easier during the day.

More bad poetry by Lydia

NOVEMBER

I had planned to visit her in the Spring but from the summer it seems a lifetime.
I know that this is not so.
Yet I cannot wait.
I could wait, but I do not want to.
November 26 marks the day that another year has gone by in my time.
I will reward myself for having experienced another set of seasons.
Her company as a birthday present to myself.

The Universe Spins Again!

Thank goodness you are back! I was beginning to think I had only imagined you!

I was mowing yesterday and filled with joy and love for the world. I could feel the magic of being connected to the universe. You have done that for me.

But I'm still glad you are back. You are even funnier in person.

I'm Feeling Mushy Today!

True love is neither physical, nor romantic.
True love is an acceptance of all that is , has been, will be, and
will not be.

What Good Is A Yang Without A Ying?

Come back! My magic is fading!!

One of my favorite chants

"I will not fear
Fear is the mindkiller,
Fear is the little death
That brings total Oblivion
I will permit my fear to pass
Over me and through me
And where it has gone
I will turn the inner eye
Nothing will be there
Only I will remain."

Frank Herbert (Dune)

Some People Collect Stamps

I'm a closet protection chant collector. I think this means I'm paranoid.


PROTECTION CHANTS:

Visualize a triple circle of purplish light around your body while chanting:
I am protected by your might, O gracious Goddess, day and night.

Another of the same type: visualize a triple circle and chant:
Thrice around the circle's bound, Evil sink into the ground.

Above courtesy of The Inner Sanctum


"This circle of protection moves with me,
It goes where I go,
It bends where I bend,
It protects me on all sides,
From all things seen and unseen,
So mote it be"

(* You can change the me to a name and the I's to him's or her's to protect other people* )


This one is the one I'm teaching my grandkids for when they get hurt:

Owie - Fix, owie - Fix,
You're the fairy that I pick.
Bring the healing,
Come right quick!
Owie - Fix, owie - Fix

Above courtesy of Mystique Angel's Wicca World

JUST IN CASE THE SSC OR SOME OTHER SOUL SUCKER PAYS YOU A VISIT

Protection Chant
If you are feeling uneasy, nervous or threatened, try repeating this chant quietly to yourself. Divine Goddess, Goddess Divine, Divine God, God Divine, If evil dwells within this place, Please make it leave my space. (Courtesy of Howling Resilia)

Did you know

That for the month of June this blog was read 1690 times. Its not millions but still an interesting number when you think about it. This month we are up to 1338. Wonder how many of them are the same people.

Protestations of Friendship

As your friend

I promise

To treat you as if you were family, with all the intrinsic benefits granted to family such as: Interpersonal discord, dysfunction and unfair division of chores. On the plus side this does also include a home to come to and any help I can give for whatever you deem necessary. This may not always be seen as a blessing.

To support whatever talents and goals you have in any fashion I am able, understanding that goals and talents change over time.

To come to you whenever I have a problem with you , and to accept that the problem may actually be in my head rather than reality. My head can be quite misleading and imaginative when it sets its mind to it.

To never intentionally cause you pain or harm in any fashion. Unless you use me to rip off a band aid ,make that, perform any medical treatment, as that is one pain I can not stop and my bedside manner has been previously described to me as atrocious.

To be who ever you need me to be in your life at any given moment, from confidant to hated enemy if that is what is required to make you happy. Be warned there is a 3 day time limit allotted to all hated enemy activity. After which I will do the yippy skippy dance, partner participation in such a silly display is welcome but not required.

I will always tell you the truth, but make sure you actually want to hear it before asking. Truth may be modified at any time based on my personal perceptions or misconceptions of your being able to handle it and, my being able to tell it at that exact moment a question is asked.

Love you for who you are, who you will be and who you pretend to be on any given day.

Things I absolutely will not do just because you are my friend

I will not

Always be right and will in a lot of cases will probably be wrong. Note this does not mean I will not argue for my own stupidity. Feel free to use these arguments against me in future looks at past stupidities or general story hour.


Always say the right thing, Or even mostly, if you want the truth. I have no social skills which I keep telling people but they just don’t believe me.

Always do the right thing. (See above mention of social skills)

Always make you happy, I have enough trouble keeping me happy and sometimes there can be spill off of happiness or occasionally bitchiness, the excitement is in not knowing what will come next.

Always be happy, reasonable or sane. See above plus always remember there is more than one of me in here and I can not always be held responsible for the actions of the stupid people inside of me.

Feel free to add and alter at will.

Guard Dogs Shouldn't Drink The Night Before They Have To Work

Damn, that light's bright! Could you dim it, please? (Knew I shouldn't have had that fourth Marguarita last night!) Shut those damned goats up! Oh ... my aching head. Anybody got any hair of the dog??

Attempting to describe the indescribable

I can only describe the gifts you have brought me as the feeling of finding a cherished item that has been absent from me for so long that though it was greatly missed I was not even cognisant of it's existence. Even though I felt it deeply, I did not know what "it" was and even now I struggle to articulate it .

There is no defining her or what it is that she means to mean ,other than to say that I have been enveloped in love.

What is it with you people?

First I hear Yang in my ear saying get up, get up, get up! Not that this is not a pleasant way to be awoken from your slumber, but when husband feels me stir in bed he starts pretending to cuddle me while slyly pressing his naked self against me. I'm with B, morning sex is not my favorite. Maybe it is the morning breathe that is not my favorite. I then can't get back to sleep because my husband is so grateful for my existence that he starts doing the dishes that I left in the sink lastnight. He of course wants to be positive that I realize he is doing the dishes so there is all this loud clanging. I was determined to stay in bed anyway but wouln't you know it my least favorite tenant calls. I wanted to ask, "Do you own a clock? Look at the clock, not business hours, and what part of my home phone number is only for emergencies do you fail to grasp, Go away you crappy tenant!"

Only One Fondler And I See Dead People

Turns out I only had 1 strange woman fondle my body and she was very pleasant to visit with while she did it. But the highlight of my medical visit was the apparition I was allowed to see.
When I first checked in at the imaging center, they handed me the usual paperwork to look over, sign, etc. I sat at one end of the long waiting room, next to an elderly lady. This same lady had been in front of me at the window, turning in her paperwork. She immediately drew my attention. She reminded me of Cicely Tyson in the The Autobiography Of Miss Jane Pittman, for those of you old enough to remember that. Her ebony skin was etched with lines of life and she oozed character. She wore a jaunty bright green boonie cap, crisp lavender capris, a bright white tee shirt proclaiming she had finished a marathon for breast cancer, and sassy little black flats. And she was 80 or more, if she was a day.
Anyway, I took my clipboard and papers and sought out the chair next to her to sit in while I filled them out. As I was doing my thing, I heard her talking but didn't really pay a lot of attention to what she was saying. Then I thought maybe she was talking to me. I glanced up at her and she had her eyes closed and her head bent downward. And as far as I could tell, there was no one with her. I thought, "Oh good, Dona - sit next to the old lady in an altered state of mind. Isn't that just like you?" I got up and returned my paperwork to the window. Coming back from the window, I notice another older lady, (but obviously younger than the first lady) sitting across and at an angle from the first lady. The were looking at each other and I could see they were talking to each other, but couldn't catch what they were saying, except the I did catch that the original lady was saying, "That is pretty. Yes, I really like that. It is beautiful." I thought how mean I was, automatically assuming the lady was cukuoo when she obviously had all her wits about her, as well as a companion to talk to! I walked between them to go back to my seat next to the lady, turned around to sit down, and the second lady was no longer there. I glanced over at Lady #1 and she was back to talking with her eyes closed about how pretty "it" was. The other lady was nowhere to be seen and never reappeared. No - there is no where she could have gone. I wasn't frightened or anxious. Just annoyed that the second lady hadn't stuck around longer and curious as to why she allowed me that small glimpse of her.
It didn't help the confusion when last night, home alone, Bean started going doggie insane over nothing on the living room ceiling. There was nothing there that I could see, but it was obvious she could see it. Again, didn't frighten me, just made me want to be able to see whatever Bean was barking at.
Is something strange happening to me or did I always have this ability and just chose not to "see" it? Or has an interdimensional door opened? Or am I just as nutty as I originally thought the cool old lady was? All of these?
Any of the above would be okay with me!

Presto! (Rhymes with Manifesto)

Online rhyming dictionary, could come in handy.

http://www.rhymer.com/RhymingDictionaryDouble/manifesto.html

SOUL SUCKING CAT!

http://news.yahoo.com/s/ap/20070725/ap_on_fe_st/death_cat

Dates Boobs And Cages

I had a strong dream memory at 4:00 this morning when Bean the WonderDog woke me up, but it has faded now. All I can remember is the dates June 22nd and June 24th kept being repeated. I have no idea why or by whom. Maybe my dearheart, Ying, can tell me what that means. She seems good at that sort of thing. Of course, she's perfect, so I would expect nothing less. Darrel says it's fine that I love her, so I guess I'll keep him, too.

I am going off alone today to have my breasts fondled by two strange men and a woman I barely know. That sounds like it should be fun, doesn't it? I'm getting lazy, because it would sound like fun to me too if I didn't have to drive two hours to get there and then two hours to get back home.

But, Bean is getting a new cage today and that is well worth the drive. I'm not sure who is more excited about Casa d'Bean - me or Bean. I'm pretty sure it's me. Bean would prefer sleeping in bed with me over her cage. Which may be why she always manages to get there before the night is over. She is very crafty at getting her way. I need to take lessons from Bean. Although I can't say I don't get my way about much around here. I'm pretty spoiled myself.

Creative Embelishment

Artistic license, call it what you will. It's all good when you are writing or even recounting an entertaining story. Except when your describing events that didn't really happen and the main character is not you, and the fabrication isn't very good. Then it's called a damn lie! Done purging.

Moving on to things that rhyme with Manifesto

Manifesto
Pesto
Assho
Can't think of much elso but a bunch of nonsenso.

I had 1/2 a glass of wine lastnigt but it was a wate of calories it came from a box.I played cards with my friends, I came home and kissed my husband. IM'ed Yang until I couldn't keep my eyelids open. How, I love that woman! Kelly is happy that I have found her but he thinks my eyes are going to get ruined staring at the computer screen.

Dr. Lydia Interprets My Dream

FaerieQueene: i did have a dream that was extremely vivid when i woke up, but is fading rapidly
Lydia Nolen: or if they are a reoccurring dream
Lydia Nolen: I have a few of those theme dreams
FaerieQueene: it was the swimming pool dream
Lydia Nolen: do tell
FaerieQueene: and i didn't even pee the bed.
FaerieQueene: it was you and me and my sister and janelle and her kids. only you, janelle, and my sister kept morphing into each other. you were one of the three, then the other, then there would be 2 of you. very odd. like most dreams
FaerieQueene: anyway, we were all at this schwank hotel trying to use their pool.
FaerieQueene: we had on bathing suits, etc. and for some reason we had to walk through the ball room to get to the pool, which we did.
FaerieQueene: but walking back through and into the locker room, a maitre' de with a thick accent followed us and asked us to please leave
FaerieQueene: that we were not suitable guests to be there.
FaerieQueene: so we all dried off and put street clothes on and left.
FaerieQueene: i forgot to mention that every time we walked through the ballroom people in formal attire were in there dancing
FaerieQueene: it didn't bother us, but seemed to bother the head waiter for some reason
Lydia Nolen: did we hesitate to walk through the ballroom
FaerieQueene: nope
FaerieQueene: marched right through
Lydia Nolen: were we upset when we had to leave?
FaerieQueene: not too bad. just thought the guy was an ass
FaerieQueene: and made fun of his accent
Lydia Nolen: Maybe your dream means that all the women in your dream are bucking convention and we don't care and that men are stupid

Tag - Skeeter And Possum Are It!

I officially have no drafts left in the folder. It is now up to Skeeter and Possum to clean up their messes!

The Asses In My Life . . .

Background to this story is that we moved out here in the country over six years ago. From day one, all I have wanted is a donkey and a pygmy goat. Don't ask me why, I just knew I wanted them. (And yes - I have had goats before, so knew what I was getting into.) Anyway, I've begged and begged and Darrel's response has always been, "No. What the hell do we need them for?" This has been really surprising, since in over 12 years together he has never said no to me about anything, so I took it that this was something he was really adamantly against. (Which, of course, still didn't stop me from bringing it up continually and getting the same response continually.) Over the 6 years, however, he has managed to accumulate his small herd of cows and calves with no comments by me.
Anyway, about a couple of months ago my daughter Janelle called and said, "Mom - have I got a deal for you!" A friend of hers who raises both regular horses and mini horses had decided to quit doing it as a "hobby" and go into business. This meant she no longer had the time for "extra" animal care and maintenance. She had a donkey she rescued from a BLM roundup 6 years ago and wanted only to find a good home for him with someone who would have the time to give him the attention he deserves and craves. There were only 2 stipulations - if for any reason the people who took him could no longer care for him or just didn't want him anymore, he was to be returned to her, AND whoever took him also had to take his bosom buddy, lifetime companion - a pygmy nanny goat! Needless to say, I screamed a resounding, "YES!"
Last week we made the 4 hour (1 way) trip to get them and I am now the happy owner of one darling donkey and the best behaved goat I've ever met. And, of course, the entire 8 hour trip (and the 2 hours we were there) Darrel did nothing but moan and bitch about this donkey and goat.
Janelle and her two kids were at Amy's house for the day so we all got to have a nice visit before returning home with our new family members. Cj (my 6 year old grandson) decided to come home with us to spend a couple of days. I had made some tenative plans for Cj and I to do some things, in the event that he did come home with us. It was Thursday evening when we all arrived home and placed Ears and Nanny (hey - they are the names they came with!) in their new abode.
Friday a.m. Cj and I got up, did some chores, and decided to go to Wichita (an hour and a half from me)for the day and night. We went shopping, went to a movie, and spent the night in a hotel. Saturday a.m. we got up and spent the day at a cool place in Wichita called Exploration Place, and then we went another hour or so north to meet up with his mom and sister so Cj could go home with them.
We have had a horribly horribly dry year here with virtually no moisture. This means, of course, that here in May we are still having to grain and hay our cows, since the pastures are as dry as popcorn farts and this has been a big worry for us. Well, Friday a.m., as Cj and I were heading out to Wichita, it began to pour buckets. I spoke with Darrel several times on my cell phone throughout the day, whining and complaining that of course it's going to rain now since I just got my donkey home and he is in his "temporary" home of the corral until he gets acclimated and can be let out into pastures. This means he currently can not get into the barn or any other shelter. (Yes, I know he's a donkey and it won't kill him, but I was still upset about it.)
Update - the above was written over a year ago and I just found it in my attempt to clean out my drafts. So, today I am going to put a quick end to the story and post it.
The gist of the story is it turns out my husband went out in the pouring rain and "Mickey Mouse'ed" a set up where the donkey could get into a section of the barn, and then he took a blow drier out there and blow dried my donkey!! (Getting kicked several times in the process.) Ya' gotta love a man who will risk losing a nut to dry your donkey, that he didn't want in the first place.

Quotes For Simple Minded Sheep

This was in the drafts folder from many a moon ago. It still applies, so I figure why not post it?


"Any thoughtful Christian would concur that Jesus' primary significance resides in the message he sought to communicate. And that message gains nothing by virtue of Jesus' having been celibate, nor does it lose anything by virtue of his having been married."

Today's Note From The Farm

Maybe if I do my best to look as cute and adorable as possible they will feed me something besides crappy weeds and hay. Can you spell L-O-B-S-T-E-R? Can you spell R-I-B E-Y-E?? Can you spell A-S-P-C-A????

Redneck Friends

I was standing at the counter in the hardware store today, waiting to pay the million dollars for a lawn mower belt I needed, when I glanced down and saw one of those "You might be a Redneck if...." daily calenders. Today's saying was, "You might be a Redneck if your two best friends are named Skeeter and Possum." I immediately got a visual of Lydia and Brandy in overalls, with blackened teeth, holding up shotguns and beer cans. Now this is not to say that either of them qualifies as a Skeeter or a Possum, but in my brain they will forever be my Skeeter and my Possum.

Stunted Psyche of the Week

iWon News - Woman Sues Over NYC Pipe Explosion

Okay just to prove I am not totally heartless let me say that my blessing and sympathy is always with families of the NYC Tower Explosion


But and this is a big but. Suing the state because you are suffering from a delayed reaction is not sane. Seek help, move to Kansas, (Stay away from grain silos as they also can explode rather spectacularly or get used to the fact that death is around the corner everyday for each and everyone of us. As the old saying goes, you never see the bullet that gets you.

We are given one life to learn and to teach and to have a good time. Enjoy it, have faith that each death means something in this life. I hope that after the reign of Crazy King George, we will be able to usher in a new era of sanity and the middle path.

For violence breeds violence every time and we need to step back and work together as a planet to find way to improve the lives of everyone in the world so that extremists have fewer recruits and we can have a more peaceful & less fearful life.

Animal Farm

"Pssssstt....Can you keep a secret? I told the goats to circle around behind her while she's taking our picture and butt her in the ass. When you see them getting close, RUN!"

Note to the following individuals

WRITE SOMETHING!
cskinner
ranchergal
Heidi
Guest Blogger
mespeedracer
Shirley
Anna Laura
Doris2
April
WonderChic_80
melisa
cheech

Weird Dreams Volume 1/Someone took my baby and replaced him with 2 Mexican midgets!

I dreamt that I was living in our old wood frame house on Wilshire. Kelly had brought home two women that were friends of Bill W to stay with us. They brought with them a sweet little blonde haired baby. I believe one of the women was the other ones mother. They were real skanky addict types. The younger skinnier stringy hair girl which I'm sure was the baby's mother was high all the time. So I said to her, "If your going to do drugs you need to leave". Next thing you know, druggy girl and her baglady mother were out the door." Some time later I went to use the bathroom and I found the baby struggling in the bathtub. I took him out and put dry clothes on him and he was fine. I loved him immediately, I was afraid that his mother would come back for him. I told Kelly that I was going to call CPS to come and get him and Kelly said that I could have him. The whole family was watching TV when my blonde boy morphed into two mexican babies. I think they were girls. I did not want them so I called 911 saying, "somebody left two babies at my house and I do not want them".
I layed the babies in bed and then noticed that they probably weren't even babies at all but miniature people. I went looking around the house for the little blonde baby. As I was looking in one of the rooms I saw some movement outside the window. It was dark outside still, I saw a liitle girl that reminded me of myself. She was wild like an animal and she didn't seem to comprehend anything that I was saying to her. I went outside to get a closer look at her but she had run away. I walked in the yard and went to check on the chickens. I guess I have chickens in my dream world. As I walked by there coop I noticed a goose but it did not bother me. There were flies swarming and the smell of death. I looked down and say a outline of a person in the dirt. I came inside and got Kelly and he went outside with a shovel. Then he came in and said, "I killed that guy last week I forgot to tell you" He had a crazy look in his eye. I was not too shocked by this but the kids seemed unnerved. I told them to act natural and that we would run as soon as we could.

I've had some freaky dreams before but Ithink this one takes the cake.

Strange Little Man (Men?) In My House

Yesterday the washing machine repair man finally showed. Of course, he showed up at 4:10, after I sat here all day and wasted a day, but that's another blog.....
Anyway, he turned out to be the real life incarnation of Underdog, but in his shoe shine boy persona. He might have weighed 100 pounds, had the horn rimmed glasses that Clark Kent used to wear, and a high, squeaky, soft voice that made it difficult to hear/understand him. He mumbled a few words to me and then went back to the "laundry room" to work on the washer. Bean, (the World's Top Doggie Jewelry Model), and I went to the couch to kill some time while Meek & Mousy Man did his thing. At 5:50 Darrel came home and woke me up.
I find this completely unbelievable - that I fell sound asleep with a strange man in my house. And I wasn't the least bit tired when I sat down. Then, as Darrel and I were talking, he mentioned there were two men back there, and two vans in the driveway. I didn't believe him and had to go look for myself. Not only did I fall sound asleep with no warning while some strange man was in my house, but I slept through another strange man driving up, ringing the bell, and coming in, and then any subsequent conversation they had.
I can't explain how this threw me. I either fell into another dimension where two repairmen actually came to my house instead of one, or they zapped me with one of those cool pens from Men In Black and a party ensued until Darrel got home that I was not privvy to. (I really want one of those pens, by the way.)

REAL ESTATE PORN

I've thought of a way to spice up my love life. I am going to talk real estate to Kelly while we are having sex.



Kelly called me yesterday morning, he was in a pleasant mood we talked for an hour and I felt so loved. Then he calls back a few minutes later and we talk some more and he happens to mention that he was looking at the real estate section of the paper. I thought he was just looking to entertain himself as god knows we don't need another project right now. We are about embark on 2 simultaneous remodels, a feat never before tackled by the incompetant real estate tag team that is the Nolens. On approximately call 3, I'm feeling pretty special. I've actually managed to convince myself that Kelly is jealous of Dona and henceforth he will be husband of the year. He doesn't want to suffer the humiliation of being left for another woman and a bunch of goats. So he is going to start calling me multiple times a day to declare his steadfast love for me. Call four he gives me great detail about the apartment complex that he just called about that he noticed in the paper. I notice level of enthusiasm increasing with each phone call. Well I would chronicle calls 5-9 but it was pretty much him about to cum in his pants over these rathole apartments. Calls 1-3 were just to butter me up so that I might actually consider this endevor. Yes honey it'smy dream come true to own a 24 unit flop house oh goody! Just can't wait to evict all the druggies and illegal immigrants. That sounds like a good time babe.
Seeing as real estate gets him so hot and bothered I think I'm going to start showing him pictures of houses and reading him the Sunday Homes while I'm on top of him. I'll excite him with phrases like.
Positive cashflow!
No down payment!
Owner financing!
Tax Sale!
Assumable loan!
Owner financing!
OOOOOHHH OOOOOHHHH OOOOOHHHH 3 Car Garage!

You're making a fool of me, woman!

I struggle to find words to illuminate her

None seem worthy

Something so divine as this

New found friendship

Spiritual Affair

Love

Study: Diet Soda May Carry Heart Risks, Researchers Surprised To Find Diet Sodas Carry Same Risks As Regular Sodas - CBS News

Study: Diet Soda May Carry Heart Risks, Researchers Surprised To Find Diet Sodas Carry Same Risks As Regular Sodas - CBS News

For all you soda/diet soda drinkers out there

Today's Favorite Quote

"Women and cats will do as they please,
and men and dogs should relax and get used to the idea."
-Robert A. Heinlein

I'm In Love With Lydia

Brandy brought Lydia to meet me and it was love at first sight. I have told Lydia I would marry her if she'd leave Kelly. I'm pretty sure she isn't going to. Besides, I'm poor and Kelly's not and Lydia has needs that only money can fulfill. Like feeding and clothing her children.
I'm also pretty sure that in a past life Lydia and I were conjoined twins. And we were married to Darrel and Kelly, who were Siamese twins at the time. But Lydia and I were the boy twins and Darrel and Kelly were the girl twins. We were forced to come back as women as punishment for being mean to Darrel and Kelly.
But, it doesn't matter, because Lydia and I have found each other again and will again in the next life. Only I hope next time we come back independently wealthy so we can hire people to take care of things so we can talk all day if we want to.

Life's Highway a dream

I have a reoccurring theme dream. The dream I had lastnight is sort of in the same vein. Sometimes I dream that I am driving and I have no breaks. I never get into any serious accidents I just can't stop when I want to. Sometimes I dream that I am either walking or riding my bike on a highway along with many others. We are on a journey together and I do not know where the road leads because we never arrive. We are always traveling. My dream starts out with my driving city streets and not being able to slow down. Then I am walking the highway again, the different thing about the dream this time is that I see a handwritten sign that says, "This is your road." I've never seen that sign before and was never quite sure that I was going the right way.

Just keep clicking next some are hard to read but most are pretty good and some are priceless

cartoons - 1 of 11

British National Space Centre

BNSC - Learning Zone

Ages 5 and Up Space Science

Homeschool

British National Space Center

BNSC - Home

Intoxication

I feel incredibly lovely at the moment and I have no idea why. I don't have a Margarita in my hand. I went outside and sat on my swing underneath the mesquite trees. I sat there and just was, I felt the moment and nothing else. I felt clear and satisfied with myself and with life in general. These are rare moments. The insects serenaded me with there songs. I watched my beautiful Iris cat laying on the lawn, doing nothing but watching over me.

Scary scary stuff

iWon News - Microchip Implants Raise Privacy Concern

But can't you see the book about the woman who has been victomized chipping her attacker and making his life hell

Not sure exactly how it would work but it could be good.

and my husbands response which I tend to agree with.

Only when they pry the gun from my cold dead fingers. Of course once he is dead who would waste the chip

Stripping Wallpaper

My son could have done anything he wanted on his birthday and stripping wallpaper was on his to do list. Man I love that kid. I was dreaming of piano's and his aunt bought him a full size keyboard for his bedroom. I still want a piano. Okay I want a piano it's not just for my son. Well I have no complaints or wisdom to dispense I am writing purely to avoid folding laundry and many other similar tasks. I don't know what is wrong with me I am just not the domestic type.

180 and really slutty clothes!

Yes I weigh 180 pounds. I am so distraught over leaving Dona that the pounds are just melting off. B said I am down 6 pounds. Well by her calculations it would be 8 now. I guess she left out the part where when husband said he was leaving me I decided to lay on the couch and stuff my face with crap and ballooned to 200lbs in a matter of months. (how's that for a run on sentence)In the last month I have lost 20 pounds so I guess whatever it is I am doing is working. I eat ice cream when I feel like it and I am not starving. I choose to eat 1/2 portions at restaurants because it's been proven that restaurant portions are 3 times more calories than you really need in one meal. That's why B and Les are able to split a meal when they go out. I move a little more than I used to, I've started riding my bike again and have been lifting light weights repetitively for my arms. I'm not gaining much muscle but I'm moving and burning calories and that is what counts. I can tone up after I have lost most of my weight.
There are multiple factors that were a catalyst for my weight loss.
I had zero energy because of my fat filled sugar laden diet and energy is really a must when you've got 4 active kids. I guess that would be the main reason. 2nd reason would be that I like sex and my husband doesn't find the rolls of fat particularly arousing. I don't like looking at them myself so I can understand that. Not to say that we don't have an active love life but it is down from 7+ times a week to just 2 or 3. I was fully aware that this would happen, Kelly was honest with me and said that if I gained alot (70lbs is alot) that he would still love me I just wouldn't get it as often. Reason number 3, I really enjoy slutty clothes and I don't particularly care for the way they looked in a size 14. I'll rephrase that, the way they looked on me. I've seen plenty that can pull it off but in my opinion I am not one of those people. Just one more comment on the subject of fat asses and I'm through. If I ate what Brandy does and excersized like I do I'd still weigh 200lbs.

The Great Sugar Debate And Other Cranky Old Lady Issues

FaerieQueene: what u doing?
Brandy: Making chili and mexican cheesy corn bread
FaerieQueene: turkey chili? and lowfat cheese etc. in the corn bread?
FaerieQueene: ha ha ha ha
Brandy: Yucky poo
Brandy: Sirloin tip And organic ground sirloin
Brandy: Corn bread has can of mexican corn cup of chedder cheese and sugar inside and on top but it isa organic
Brandy: lots of tomatoes and beans int he chili
FaerieQueene: are you determined to weigh 400 lbs. by the time you come visit me again?
Brandy: no I lost a pound when I was with you and since lydia and April and I started I am down 8 pounds and lydia is down 6
Brandy: I am actually losng weight again
Brandy: I dont eat much but I dont think denying major food groups is the way to go
Brandy: For breakfast I have 3 scrambles and a handful of grapes
FaerieQueene: i don't think sugar is a food group
Brandy: For lunch I usualy have a few crackers with butter or soup or a smoothie
Brandy: and for dinner Ieat whtever I want
Brandy: Next to air sugar is the most important componant for your brain
Brandy: I dont eat cake and cookies
Brandy: the worst I usually get is a bowl of cereal
Brandy: but cornbread does not taste right if it doesn't have sugar and some standards must be adhered to
FaerieQueene: you keep telling yourself how important sugar is. i like that you can construct your own reality and then even believe in it. many people would envy that ability.
Brandy: And lose weight on it
Brandy: I can find you the scientific documentation if you want
Brandy: And I really dont eat that much sugar
Brandy: or that much food period
Brandy: April doesn't understand how I can weigh what I do on as little as i eat and of course it is the sit on my ass factor that causes it
Brandy: If I did all the work you do and ate what I do I would weigh a 100 pounds
FaerieQueene: It is the sit on the ass and WHAT you eat. And i can find scientific documentation to support the fact that eating dog shit is good for you. It's called good debating skills and i never denied you had those.
Brandy: sugar is much healthier than dog shit but as I said I dont really eat that much
Brandy: sugar or otherwise

Happy Birthday to Blazer Man

The Blazy boy is 9 years old today. He is spending the month with his Daddy. They just arrived home from their trip to Alabama so I imagine they will be calling me when they wake up. I dreamt about buying a piano so I have a feeling that one will make it's way into the new casa. In my dream I was in a wherehouse filled with old piano's. I looked at many and Kelly said that I should get whatever one I like. This is how I knew that I was dreaming. I am so glad that Blaze is going to the fine art school, I do not know if he ever would have expressed an interest in playing the piano otherwise. A piano would go quite perfectly in the front room of the new house. I had intended to make this the kids stay the hell out room but as of now I am invisioning my son playing the piano there. I can see that the no kids thing is not going to work. Maybe we can squeeze the piano in to the family room. We did a walk through the house before we signed off on the paperwork and I wasn't walking through I passed the time by starting to peel the 4 layers of wallpaper off the dining room. I think that there is some nice oak paneling underneath all that crap. I'm hoping I can save it. I know most people just paint over it but I really like real wood.

Thought For The Day.......

Don't let your new friend make jewelry for your dog unless you intend to let said dog become a prima dona who expects you to snap a picture of her every time she wears the jewelry and fully expects to become the highest paid doggie jewelry model in the world.

All Hail The Queen

For those of you privvy to the workings of the Queene's private life, this is the outcome of the Royal Husband Shunning.
After much deliberation, the Queene decided last night that she must be magnanimous, as the peasants and the Consort are rarely as astute and as intelligent as she is and so she must make allowances every now and then. (These allowances will, of course, come at a cost to be determined at a later date and based upon the Queene's whim.) Granted these leniencies also help to foster the illusion that the Queene gives a Royal Rat's Ass.
So, She spoke very harshly to the Consort, informing him of the act of idiocy he displayed the previous evening. The Consort was flabbergasted (or at least was smart enough to pretend to be), claiming to have no clue that the incident had even occured. After he groveled for a while and promised to lick the Queene's *#*!hole the next time they were in the presence of the Consort's family, the Queene deigned to forgive him. (Or at least let him believe he was forgiven, while the transgression will be forever recorded in The Royal Book of Unforgivable Unforgettable Slights.)

Dona That BITCH!!!!

My psycho blog is done but you'll have to read it in the drafts because it is not family friendly.

SERMON

It is not healthy to live in a continual state of frustration. Expressing the same nuisances again and again. I wish that you could express your joy as well as you can express the things that torment you. When really your daily torments as continual as they may be are merely trivial. Everyday annoyances that should be expected as part of life. You seem surprised when things do not go your way and brood about and make quite a fuss much like a toddler. Toddlers are inexperienced in these matters so who can blame them when they throw their fits but eventually they learn that these things that vex them so, are but a continual piece of the human experience. I guess some people never learn, perhaps they are incapable,or they enjoy torment and so continue wallowing in it.
I did not mean to be insensitive today when I finally put my foot down and said enough. I said it in my own way, I tried not to negate your feelings.
The basic difference between you and I
When I express glee for the 50th time over the same thing, I gift myself joyx 50 for one experience. When I fuck up I try not to dwell on it, I hold onto it just long enough to feel the negativity and then I let it go or try my very best to. This was not always the case but it is the case now. You on the other hand do the exact opposite so even though we have the exact same experiences you think your life is mostly shit and you cannot catch a break. I hear you time and time again spewing out the same old venom and you think that this will make it go away. You are operating under the belief that the more you express your frustration the less you will have. You are excorsizing it from your soul. Can you see how maybe this is not working for you? Okay so that is my sermon for today. I was preaching to Kelly but he'll never sit in my church. He won't hear my words. Bla Bla Bla, THE END

Laps And Bling Bling

I sure miss Lydia. She makes pretty jewelry and has a comfy lap.

MYSTERIOUS NAN MADOL

MYSTERIOUS NAN MADOL

Unity08: Select & Elect a Unity Ticket in the 2008 Presidential Race |

Unity08: Select & Elect a Unity Ticket in the 2008 Presidential Race |

Ignore the electoral college - Have your vote count pick your candidates regardless of party