You know you haveproblems when you start quoting yourself

"I live for them and live through them, through my children God works to cure me of my selfish nature." ~Ying

Dirty Men?

I have noticed for the past month I have been really annoyed. And at men in particular. I am assuming its just a phaze (a rather long one if you ask me). But it got so bad today that I yelled at my boss. Here's what happened: I was sitting at my desk, typing away when my boss walks by and puts his hand out. Usually I respond with a high five or a "get over yourself". Today I yelled, "Why are you always wanting to touch me! You cant just leave me alone can you and let me do my work?!"
"What is wrong with you lately?"
"I am just sick of everyone wanting to touch me! Carlos and Juan are always hugging me hell and goodbye! Its so annoying! I just don't want to be touched!"
"Okay. I will let them know that."
He proceeded to go into the lab. He came back to my desk with Carlos and Juan and notified them that it was new company policy not to hug me anymore. In response I said, "Thats all I wanted. Was that so hard to tell them that?"
"No, it wasn't." And he walked away.
I was over reacting, right?
I mean, what the hell is wrong with me! I cringe at the sight of a man trying to touch me and then I snap at them or just tolerate it and become extremely cranky. I don't know what my problem is.

Love drugs and chicken thighs

Lately I have been noticing how I am completely over that devil. So I've been wondering if I ever really loved him at all. I am not thinking about it so much, I guess it is kind of irrelevant. I had the weirdest dream last night.
There was a teenage boy and a girl both of them kind of homely and awkward and they were snuggled up next to each other in a car waiting for someone. They were talking about how they should just be friends even though it was rather nice holding hands. A woman got in the driver seat, she was going to drive them home. The smell of alcohol on her was strong and she was completely intoxicated. Her driving was scaring the kids, she stopped some where to score drugs and I yelled at the kids to get out of the car. I told them that walking was preferable to losing there lives. They listened to me. we began walking together, through darkened neighborhoods. The drunk bitch kept hounding them to get back in the car. She started walking with us, claiming that she was not drunk. I told her that she was wasting her life then she layed down on the sidewalk and I thought she was dead so I touched her and she started bitching again. I yelled at her, I said do you know the only difference between me and you? I love my family and you do not. The boy said she's just dead inside and so I picked her up and put her in my take out bag with my fried chicken. Apparently she shrunk a bit if she was small enough to fit in the bag. We kept walking. The sun came up and I we noticed a hungry boy following us. He asked if he could have a piece of chicken. I gave him a thigh. I remember thinking that he must be very hungry to ask complete strangers for food. The End ( I don't think I have any dreams that are not weird )

Go ahead try and find meaning in this one, I dare you.

LOVE

Who's to say what love is? Everyone loves in their own ways and in their own time. Sometimes we will love someone and never stop loving them. Other times we will love someone and then fall out of love with them and even more times we will fall in love with someone, and ends in up despising that person more than we ever thought we could. Their are friendship loves. Where you love someone so much and you would do anything for them, even dodge a bullet. Their are loves for your pets. Where its almost like you treat your pet as more of your own flesh and blood than an animal. You love their company and in return, they love you unconditionally. The feeling is mutual. Their are romantic loves where you get butterflies and your stomach feels like all it has in is air whenever you see that person. And you can't get enough of them. The type of love where you want to make love to the 24 hours a day. Where you want to see them the minute you wake up and the second just before you fall asleep. Where even if they became fat, old, mentally or physically handicapped you would take care of them for as long as they lived. Where sometimes you love them so much that it hurts. You may get into arguments and even call eachother bad names, but in the end you always want to kiss and make up and tell the one you love that everything is going to be alright. Its the love that you keep leaving, but always go back to. The one that you accept all their faults even though they can seem impossible at times and just move forward. The one that you spend the most time and effort on more than anything else in your life. The one who can tell your secrets to and you know they wont tell anyone else. The one wheere you make faces, do little dances, and swear like a sailor and they just laugh or if your lucky join in on your silliness. The one who might even create a goofy language that only you and them can possibly understand. And whenever everyone else hears it they either freak out or begin barfing in their mouths. Thats the love thats the strongest. Thats the love that lasts the longest. And thats the love that I had.

Secrets

I really dont understand why someone who has been told a secret tells the secret to someone else. What dont you get about the meaning of the word, secret? It means you are not suppose to tell anyone else about it. Ever. And then that said person wonders why they have had countless arguments, and needless drama with the people that have confided in them. They wonder why it comes back to them and bites them in the ass.
And I absolutely cant stand when I confess a secret to someone and they immediately tell someone else. And then that someone else tells another. Its a vicious circle. It just keeps going and going and never stops. Nothing good ever comes of it. All that comes of it is lies, misunderstandings, and hurt. Just when I start trusting someone they have to go and ruin it for not only themselves but also for the next batch of people I meet. Why can't people learn to just shut up sometimes?!