I haven't been doing my usual venting about my mate lately because I was under the impression that I had come to some sort of realization that the kind of things that I vent about are probably not what I want to preserve for prosperity. Apparently though that realization was all too fleeting because if I don't write about this crap, I will just go to the fridge and eat or lay down in bed and sleep and I don't really find those to be good options. I think at last I have figured him out. What I am about to write may sound harsh and those of you that have been following my insane ramblings for the better part of the last decade probably already have come to this conclusion. There is something seriously wrong with my husbands psyche, he is uncomfortable with his feelings and emotions and this often times causes him to lash out at me. It all started out innocently enough with a bad attempt at humor on my part. One thing that most people that really know me realize is that I think that I am funny, notice I said think because I realize that a lot of times I am not. The man said that he needed a frame for a picture of the platform that he works on. Trying to be funny I said, " So you want a framed picture of Perdido but you don't have one of your wife (which is true)". This was just another failed attempt at humor. Then he said well I see you every day (untrue). He works out of town and is home less than 2 weeks a month. Being even less funny I said, "I understand Perdido gives you money and I don't". By this time he is pretty damn irritated. At this time the boys and I were sitting down at the kitchen table and the boys were looking at a really cool hardcover book about warriors. Naturally being a book about warriors there were all manner of weapons in the book. The man sees the kids looking at the book and says, "We need more weapons". He mentions teaching the boys to shoot a sling shot and then I say, "I want a gun". The mention of gun reminds him of the cabin and he says that on Saturday he wants to go to the cabin and shoot. I'm not t oo excited about this because last time I went with him he was shooting with the boys but would not allow me to shoot. The reason that he gave was that I needed to shoot a smaller gun first. When I asked to use his handgun he said no to that also. Apparently the 7 year old boy is allowed to shoot the rifle but not a 36 year old woman. Anyway in light of the cabin being grossly dusty and my son being hospitalized for 4 days last months due to his asthma and the fact that he was a shit to me last time, I decided to remind him that he said we would go fishing NEXT TIME. I am not a very experienced fisher person but I do enjoy fishing. Last summer Kelly went fishing nearly every weekend with the boys and a friend of his. I could not go because there was not enough room on the boat for me. I suggested leaving the boys at home so I could go but that suggestion was not acceptable. We did go to the pier a couple of times with the boys and I enjoyed it. The second time we went the dolphins scared all the fish away but I enjoyed seeing the dolphins and I think I actually saw a very rare pink one. Kelly evidently started feeling bad about not taking me fishing because he then got really mad at me and started saying that everything was about me, and that I just want to make him feel bad. Saying the reason that we didn't ever go fishing was because I did not know any good fishing spots (yes the person that has only gone to the pier twice with him would know where to fish). He said I have to put in effort and that I refuse to put in effort to find a place to fish. Well I don't really have any friends, and I don't know anyone that fishes that I can ask. I think that he may think that you need a boat to fish. He briefly considered buying a boat but then decided against it as he is gone half the time and would not get to enjoy it and besides he has his friends boat. I can think of about three different piers to fish on and thats all. I tried to talk to him and he said that the reason that he didn't let me shoot last time was because he wanted to leave and that it had nothing to do with me. He is pretty much convinced that I think that everything he does has to do with me and this really bothers him. Well I did think that him not letting me shoot after he got me to go out there by saying I could shoot had something to do with me. It seemed logical to me. He ended up saying that he hated my whining.
Typically the way things go with me is that I will ask for something a few times and then just give up, because if I do more than that he gets pissed because I'm whining. So in the end he is now mad at me Because I think that he doesn't want to take me fishing when in reality we are only not going due to my extreme laziness. STUPID just fucking stupid. If I want to go fishing I will just go by myself.
I used to ask him to go to the beach with me, and he would say lets wait til a three day weekend. Then on a three day weekend he would say oh, lets wait til it's less crowded. So eventually I stopped asking. We don't go to the beach together. When I want to go to the beach I wait till he is gone.
He just asked me when it was that he said that he would go fishing with me. I told him that it was last time that I he was here. Then he throws his hands up in the air and says well that was three weeks ago! Then I said well that was the last time that I saw you.
I give up.
