Jealousy

Suspicion

Who is it that you are putting on that shirt for?

I don't trust you anymore.

And it's not that you are up to anything, it's just that you have no time for us and it kills me that

you make time for yourself, if that even makes sense.

Just go

Don't kiss me goodbye

I went back in the time machine and read some of my blogs from 3 years ago. I don't know if I was a lot happier then or just in really deep denial. This is funny, I somehow thought I could weigh 125 pounds by my 30th birthday. Yes, I even commented that this was a realistic goal. I also have noticed how very rude and prone to rants I've become. (and I don't even have any desire to work on this)

There is a certain freedom that comes with simply accepting ones fate.

Totally random

I’m having blogger withdrawals, no doubt about that. In an unclear moment I managed to pen a poem that could easily have been sung by millions. I don’t know where it went, it wasn’t meant to be saved. Just written, expelled from my soul. I think that perhaps I may be mourning my youth. I found myself on the internet searching for a boy who by now is an almost fictitious character. Living a rich life in my fantasies for last 14 years or so. Then I found him and to look upon his face was like a shot of pure joy. Just to know that a player in your alternate universe is living in your own dimension. Well almost anyway. I sighed, I smiled for hours. I am still smiling. Today is his birthday!

I knew him when I was just a shadow, he had me so mesmerized that I could not speak at times. He was so young to be so wise or so I thought but could not articulate it at the time. I emailed him and wished him a joyous day.

I checked my email several times today. The norm for me is weekly, I am so full of anticipation. Only thing left to do is reminisce.

This is the truth, it’s pretty pathetic at that. I can mark the time in my life not with dates, but with the books that I read. Odd as it seems now. I think that he may have passed a few of them my way. It was a Sartre, Gibran, and Karoac time of year. I don’t know exactly when it was that I came to Darmstadt or when it was that I met him. Really though I knew him before I laid eyes on him. He was infamous, for relatively little but being an odd cat. Odd by immature unpolished beer guzzling military boy standards anyway. He would try t o engage me in deep conversations but I would become so touched that I would be incapable of speech. Hard to imagine for those who may know me now. I liked him immediately, he was very entertaining.
We were a collection of infantile misfits for the most part and while we would like to think of ourselves





Kelly is an ass part 988

Question

Are you an idiot?

Answer (say yes because you definitely are)

I’m upset and trying to resist the urge to eat a whole bunch of sugar or fatty substance. Feeling resentful am I maybe a bit.

Talk about taking a night class, suddenly you need to attend weekly meetings at night. Just a coincidence perhaps. He is always saying that I am reading evil into his actions.

Now they have these meetings every night, if it’s not one place it’s another. I was kind of stressing wondering how I was going to manage to haul 5 kids to a PTA show that Brittany is in. So I asked him to change his meeting night. Yes I have asked before to go to a evening meeting at work. Of course he said no. Then he wants to grill me on why I can’t get a sitter. Honestly sitter that doesn’t drive who’s kids fuck up my already screwed up house is more trouble for me then dragging them here and really what I was looking for on this one is his attendance. What a dumb ass mother fucker. Get a clue.

Here’s a little hint for you, unless you are bringing me nice words, love or food don’t ever interrupt me while I’m writing.

eBay: LAKE FRONT 5 ACRE 10K SQ FOOT UNPRECEDENTED ESTATE (item 290088201138 end time Mar-28-07 11:54:47 PDT)

Dragons even!

eBay: LAKE FRONT 5 ACRE 10K SQ FOOT UNPRECEDENTED ESTATE (item 290088201138 end time Mar-28-07 11:54:47 PDT)

If anyone has an extra 4 million that they want to part with, I would love this.

Yippee I have blogger

Magically my blogger and other computer related issues have resolved themselves. I do not question it, I am just thankful. So much to write about yet at the moment none of it comes to mind.

I recently reconnected with an old friend, a rather free spirit of sorts. For years I have been living vicariously through his imagined life and indeed he was doing all the things that I envisioned. Suddenly there in his own words it did not seem so grand. I am sure he will regale me with tales that will fill me with envy at a later date but at the moment I do not feel that I have missed much. Some times I wish that I would have chosen a different path as I am not always confident that this domestic life suits me. Particularly on days when my children are being generally ungrateful and husband is acting like a cave man. Those are the days that I would like to drive away and own myself once again.