Six Packs For Soldiers

Six Packs For Soldiers

When H called and told me had flooded both floors of his apartment, I wondered aloud what kind of a moron would let a bath tub run for three hours while they were engrossed in some holy war video game.
Probably the same kind of idiot that wouldn't wake from the sound of water spurting out of the hose underneath the sink until their bed was about to float away and thier rented house was filled with 1/2 a foot of water. Who get's the lamest tenant award this year?I do! I do! An unfortunate casualty of this event was her bigscreen TV. I secretly blame myself for her loss as I had commented to my husband that our tenants whohave never once paid the rent on time had better stuff than we do.
So that's what I awoke to at 3am.

Frantic tenant- Our house is filled with water
Groggy Lydia- Where is it coming from?
Frantic tenant-I don't know
Groggy Lydia-Haveyou turned the water off?
FT-yes
GL-Did you leave something running?
FT-No,it's the hose underneath the kitchen sink
GL- I'll call one in the morning
FT- But who is goingto get the water out?

Kelly was thrilled to go over there and start the new day by delivering a shop vac and fixing the hose (why they thought they needed a plumber forthisI do not know) I now have a proffessional water removal person out there raping me as I speak. I also have tenants who think that I should somehow compenesate them for hundreds of dollars I am going to be paying to dry my house um I mean their electronics. The real victim in this whole tragedy would be Orlando Bloom because he was about to make out with me while I was dreaming.
Yesterday I took lil K and a friend to see Pirates 3. I now know what gay men have known all along. Orlando Bloom is hot! I didn't mind that the movie was three hours long. I was sorry that it had to end.
I came home and the power was out, and my house was not clean, (Whole purpose that person was left there to clean the house) She said she couldn't clean in the dark but still expected to be paid for doing nothing but reading a book. Apparently there was enough light for book reading. She also gave some AEP tree killer permission to whack down half of a tree in the yard becauseone limb was near the cable line. I did not say power line, I said cable line. WELL F ME! I did not get homicidal but really wanted to. My whole yard is filled with tree limbs, I am going to call and demand they remove them but I feel that will be a real waste of air. ARRRRRG!

Mary Kay� Sun Care Collection

Mary Kay� Sun Care Collection

If he had some shred of sanity I would be intrigued by the man. He dropped by unnanounced to show me pictures that he had taken. A battle between a spider and a click battle, various stages of the spider wrapping the click beetle up. In case you do not know what a click beetle is they are the ones with the glowing green headlight eyes. They are very charming in my opinion. If you have never seen one then you are missing out on God's sense of humour. I was not shocked or surprised by his initial photo's as I know he is quite fond of spiders. I liked the snake photos also but by the timeI got around to the greckle's attacking the baby duck I started thinking that my friend might be a little more whacked then I thought possible. "That's nature Lydia",he said. So it is...

I picked up little B for the afternoon and she asked why I waited so long to see her. I reminded her that it had only been a week. A week can be a very long time for a child. The first week she was gone it was very hard for me, but the second was much easier. Lindy has picked up her slack, so I am not wanting in the drama department. I'm looking forward to a funfilled summer.

BIG FOOT HAS BEEN SPOTTED

Big foot was spotted today trying on shoes at Academy. Unfortunately they had no shoes bigger than 12 in womens so my ten year old daughter went home empty handed. I tried to get her to get a pair of boys Vans with skulls on them but she would not go there and I so wanted to get a pair for myself but we were not shopping for me.

MAYBE YOUR KID IS A FREAKING BRAT

Little snot nosed ponytailed bike riding brat. Ick, that kid and her mother need to get a life. Lindy was sitting out front on th swing with a couple other neighbor kids when the little devil started hurling insults at Lindy's friend. Telling her she was a fat lard butt being in general very nasty. I told the girls to ignore her, but little smart ass kept riding passed so eventually the kids returned the favor. I asked all the kids very nicely to leave each other alone and ofcourse they did not,so I was forced to call Daddy. Daddy stood in our doorway and told all of them to leave eachother alone. Even made them say yes sir. He did this all standing in our doorway. Well little bicycle demon went crying to mommy about the incident and instead of coming over to speak with us about the matter. She had the police show up at our door. I was so good, I did not laugh but I so wanted to. Evil things mom requests that if we have words for her daughter to come to her. Which is fine with me but couldn't she have knocked on my door.

Happy Mothers Day (Really)

I've been changing diapers for a decade (nearly). You would think that I would be an expert at it by now, or at least developed some way to have the them poop less or potty train early. Nope none of those things. The boys are sleeping, Lindy is at the beach with the youth group and Brittany is back with her GP's. I miss her, it has been very hard for me not to call but I thought it best to wait a few days. I'm not sure why I think this. I looked around the house and realized that I have multiple piles of junk everywhere, the woman that is helping me clean isn't really. She just kind of makes these piles of junk and does a really half ass job. Not that I'm not greatful but I could do all that myself. I've also gotten lazy with her coming over three times a week and do even less than usu al. I'm thinking about turning over a new leaf or was it lead or league. My mind is slipping. I know everyone has heard that before. I may mean it this time, really I may.
I am thankful for all my mothers, today and everyday.
I am thankful for Alexandria who gave me life and tried to teach me manners and to be responsible.
I am thankful to Lindy for teaching me to love and to help others and for helping me feel loved.
I am thankful for Conception for cooking and cleaning and hanging my laundry on the clothesline, I wish I would have told you thank you. I know now that you loved me by your actions.
I am thankful to Martha for mothering me like I was her own and sharing what little she had with me.
I am thankful to all the female teachers that took a special interest in my well being
I could really stop there because really they all have been teachers
I am thankful to Maureen, Connie, Margot and Jane for helping me to be a better mother. I keep watching you and learning.
I am thankful for Brandy, Dona, and Cristal for teaching me to speak my mind.
I am thankful for my children for bringing out the best in me (sometimes!)

Obviously my last blog was pure fiction. Not that my real life has not been that exciting really it has been and in so many unwanted ways. I keep wondering what it is that God is trying to teach me. Some mystical lessons that do not reveal themselves until after I have lived through them.
Brittany is with her GP's. A civil judgement declared that was what was in her best interest,but it is not all sad news. I got to hold hands with a deliciosly handsome fireman today. He gazed at me as he removed my wedding band. Well something like that anyway, he was actually cutting my platinum wedding set off my swollen finger. NOT FICTION. I wish it was, my finger is sore, I got it caught in a department store door, bent the band quite a bit. Swollen finger that resulted in the trip to the Fire Station. I tried soap, windex, oil, soaking in ice water, taking motrin and holding hand straight up. Then started to freak out and consulted the internett, where I learned that the fire department has such a handy tool for just such occasions. Also lost a diamond. Boohoo! Would rather have lost 40 pounds. I went to Kelly's sober people meeting to hear a speaker. The man had a really honest story to share but he spoke in such a monotone voice that it did not hold my interest, as a nervous habit he kept looking at his hand. I was positive he may have written his notes there. Kelly asked what I thought of the speaker and because I am a shithead I said he needed more jokes and shared my thoughts about the note hand theory. Since Kelly is incabable of providing wit he shared this with others and of course it lacked my delivery or maybe it wasn't really funny but no one laughed. I pretended that this bothered me but secretly I was delighted. Brandy bought me Irma Bombeck books, I need to steal her shtick. I could be the Irma Bombeck of the new millenium or not.