There was once a time when I was afraid of simple human contact,a handshake for instance. So uncomfortable, I would always pull my hand away first. Lovers were different for some reason, I've never had a problem in that regard. I am affectionate towards my children. Friends, I've grown into that I can hug those I love, hold them close. I am wary of strangers, I really don't like to be touched by acquaintences. I loathe obligatory handshakes and greetings. This makes me a terrible networker. It might not be evident at first glance but I'm a little strange, a lot strange sometimes. I am a loving person, I do like people. I would like to have more friends but I am shit for small talk, it's a waste of time.
Where am I going with this?
Nearly 9 years ago, when I was pregnant with Ranger, Kelly forced me to fire my OBGYN who I really loved. Insert laughter here, I was pretty much doing what I was told back in the good old days before I started communing with witches who bestowed upon me a certian amount of self esteem. Basically Kelly blamed her for my medical problems which probably had more to do with my innsufficient diet. It hurt me to do so but I got someone else. I was in the hospital with pneumonia started spotting and I of course began to freak out because even then I knew how wonderful Ranger was going to be and terrified that he was going to get recycled before I even got a chance to meet him. So the new guy comes in and he's soft spoken and handsome, he tells me that I don't look sick. On his way out, after he does little more than reassure me that it is probably nothing (the spotting). He does something that fucking traumatizes me. He leans over and kisses me, not on the forehead either, very near my mouth. I don't even like for people to touch my arm and he has completely violated my personal space. Dr.'s can do Dr. things in the course of exams but I seriously nearly went into shock. It was odd that was for sure. I dreaded going to my appts., I could not find another doctor. Well the day of Ranger's grand entrance came and luckily the Lord was with me because someone else was on call,I did not want him delivering my child. I knew taking this job that I might run into him. I reasoned that I have gained so much weight that he wouldn't recognize me. God I should be so lucky. We passed in the halls now and again. Today I was texting Lindy while I was waiting on a baby and he strolls by me and lightly runs his hand down my arm. I couldn't believe he did it. I should have mad dogged him or asked him what he wanted or said Hi or anything but I just froze. So is he being nice, is he creepy, did it even bother me? I just don't know. I may have blogged about the kissing thing before. I can't remember.
