Gay Chickens

Note the picture of the chick in the sitting box with the 2 hens you can barely see. These 2 hens sat on this one egg together for the past month. Neither ever moved and now both are tending the chick, side by side 24/7. I have no clue which one actually laid it. Only I would have gay chickens who bonded and then raised a child together.

Crapitude Test

What is the level of the crapitude in your day today?
Mine was pretty low. Was really humming right along, having a relatively cheerful,
stress free day. Then I went to the bank and pulled into a slot I've pulled into
thousands of times over the years.

The attached is the result. My crapitude level sky rocketed. Feel free to zoom in to
get the full effect. Got some close ups of it, but figured you guys get the idea.

Funniest (and I do mean funniest) part is that when we moved to OK, had to change
insurance companies. Because of an incident a few year ago when Darrel took the back
window out when turning the goose neck trailer too sharply, we have been paying an
incredibly high auto insurance premium this year. It was due to come off his report
next month (by the way, that would be in 8 days...) and our auto insurance premium was
going to be cut in half.
Laugh, damn it - that's FUNNY!

Matthew 17:20

"Because you have so little faith. I tell you the truth, if you have faith as small as a mustard seed, you can say to this mountain, 'Move from here to there' and it will move. Nothing will be impossible for you."

I spoke with God yesterday, Actually it was more of a one sided conversation. For my part I was just laying on the couch wallowing in my negativity. All the obstacles, all the strife, all my uncertainty. Then God spoke to me just three little words. YOU UNDERESTIMATE ME! That was all it took,I do underestimate God. I underestimate myself. In the past when I have said that I believe in God what I was really saying is that I acknowledge that God exists. I was not really expressing my faith which apparently I have never really had much of. Today it is different I have faith in God. I am working on my faith.

I may have forgot to mention that McD's and me are no more. I took a week off and now the great job hunt begins. My main obstacle (other than my obvious lack of education) is my limited availablity. Due to time constraints, kids, school, lil k's special classes. I'ts not that I don't want to work because believe me I do but the mere act of searching for a job kind of knocks me down a bit. It may be the fact that my education is delayed once again. The only thing worse for me than not knowing what I want to do with my life (career wise) is knowing but not being able to work towards my goal. I am sure that God will put me right where God wants me to be. So I just have to pray that my will jives with God's. I decided that if I do not at least get an interview within one week, I will start applying at those places in which I would rather not work.

What do ten dollars and my breasts have in commen?

Wait don't answer that question. I should probably think that what I am about to relate to you is just plain sick, I myself personally find it to be hilarious which just goes to show that no matter what amount of effort I put into my mental wellness I will always have a very off sense of humor. This is a true story, unfortunately. This guy who is little more than an acquaintance asked to borrow ten bucks the story he gave wasn't even necessary. I reached into my pocket and no sooner did I have it out then he quickly snatched it from my palm. He made it a point to let me know that he waited til my friend Kay was not within earshot. Consummate shit stirrer that I am, I later asked Kay why he didn't want her to know. She then informed me that he owes her money and she is very resentful that he would ask me especially as she is sure he has no intentions of paying me back. I informed her that it was not a loan and that I would not make it a habit to give him or anyone else money. She felt the need to call and chastise the guy for asking me for money because she as many others do view me as a ward in her charge rather than the grown up woman that I actually am. Anyway the next day people I didn't even know where were apologizing to me for what had transpired. I am like um what are you talking about? Then they say, you know getting hit on. Well if someone has been hitting on me I freaking missed it darn. Then they try to refresh my memory and say whats his face telling me I had nice breasts. I then said that never happened. Why is it I miss all the good stuff? How is it that someone asking me for money transformed into my having nice breasts. I just don't know, I did laugh about it however and not in private. I am sure that there will be a part two to this story. I'll update later.

I've only had a sip of my coffee

I feel gorgeous today, and I don't even have a lover. If Kelly counts he's out of state at the moment so it can't be because of him. I haven't drank more than a few sips of my coffee. I am in love with life, and nothing much has changed other than myself. My kids are still unruly, people are still people. I am about to meet my mortal enemy to finish a project. Even this doesn't rile me. It's not like sitting on the top of the world it's more like a gleeful participation in the every day. THANK YOU GOD! Roo is sitting by me patiently awaiting his turn on the comp.

Still a liar.

I'm totally blissed out but apparently I am still a liar. K called and asked what I was doing. I told him that I was online, he then said oh you are filling out job apps. I couldn't resist the temptation to lie I said yes. Apparently I just enjoy lying LOL. I know I need to find another job and not just to pay him back for my massive medical expenses. I have needs that do not fall under the realm of necessity for my penny pinching husband, such as pedicures and trips to see Yang. I should have told him the truth and said hey man I am taking a week off in between gigs but I didn't. I also want to buy a laptop for school. I really really miss Yang ok I miss the goats too. Especially the one that she sold at the sale barn.

Beautiful

The strange thing about feeling absolute peace with me is that I rarely take the time to record it. I just live in it and let it flow. I don't know how it happened exactly but each day I wake up and I am happy to be in a new day. Crap still happens but I'm still content and it's not like adversity just rolls off me either. It is more that God is teaching me so much these days. I finally stopped tuning God out and I am amazed by what it has done for me. I feel Beautiful, I feel guiltless, and I am full of gratitude. My dreams have been better than ever, I just close my eyes for a second and it's a movie flying by on the screen in my mind. The reel is playing so fast that I can't even register what it is but they are not negative whatever they may be. They slow down a bit when I am in deep slumber. So many things have changed within me. When I think about the recent past it is not to dwell. When I remember Carlos, I wish him well and try to send something positive his way. Even he had a purpose in my life. I think that he was a catalyst for change within my life. However strange that may sound. I bare him no ill will, only love and believe me that was not the case just a month ago or even a week ago. Against the urging of many I am not taking any sort of antidepressant. In my experience I have found that at best these chemicals leave you flat and unable to feel. I think that there are some things that you just need to live through.

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Desperate

I need a rock tumbler I have all these pretty rocks and no way to tumble. Okay I have ordered one but am impatient. WIll pick up.

The wacky dreams are back.

Dream one my father takes me to a banquet and he and everyone continuously offers me every kind of alcoholic concoction known to man. I am strong about it for quite a while. Then my father makes the rounds, and I am stuck at the table with strangers who actually go as far as to order me unwanted drinks so quite of variety of libations are actually sitting in front of me just keeping me company. It's a carnival atmosphere. My X X mother-in-law Ingrid appears at the table to announce that she is finding me a man. I just say you do that and at that moment I can't remember being married at anytime or having any kids. My dad brings friends by the table for me to meet. One man said is this your daughter or your wife because she smells good. This annoyed me because this guy was too old to be smelling me. I finally broke down and had a drink or two. My attention was drawn to a giant big screen tv where the nightly news was being played. On it I saw a clip about a man that sprayed something in a little boys eyes. That boy was roo. I finally remembered that I had at least one kid. I was flaming and resolved to find the man that hurt him. So I went to the courthouse armed with the types of things that you might expect a serial killer to carry, a garat, pepper spray, a peice of wood with nails in it. But in the end I lost my nerve and was satisfied to tell him that I was going to take him to civil court next and there I would really make him pay. This part is kind of comical but I think that the guy that hurt roo was a zombie Micheal Jackson. He didn't smell dead or anything but he was a DEAD dead ringer for the king of pop. It wasn't humorous at the time. So then I was just wandering around in the dark while throngs of people passed. I heard a familiar voice and found someone that I knew I am really not sure who they are though. This could have been where a new dream starts or it could have been an extension of the first one. I walk to an old abandoned looking 2 story house and everything about this house screams don't freaking come in her because this place is haunted. There is even an eery glow coming from inside. My companion who by this time I recognize as my Aunt Cindy (not to be confused with Lindy) the way she looked 30 years ago or it could of been some other random skinny white chick. She went into the house first and since I could hear no screams I followed after her, I went to hit the lights but as it turns out most of the lights in the house don't work. Cindy laughs about this saying that most of her friends tell her how ghetto her house is but that she still loves it. She has a glass of wine in her hand and she asks me to hold it, some of it spills on my hand and I lick it off. Then I go to the fridge and grab a German beer but I can't get the top of because it is not a twist off so I put it back. In non dream Lydia world I don't really care for beer. There are creepy sound coming from here and there in the house but Cindy seems oblivious. We go upstairs which is very well lit and I start helping her decorate the rooms. We are rearranging furniture hanging curtains etc. Then I hear a loud clanking sound which i ignore, then about a minute later I cautiously start to make my way downstairs where I witness my friend J from AA throwing my keys against the wall. I laugh and then he goes upstairs and I continue my way down.
STUPID DREAM 2
I just want to preface this dream with the information that I have not dreamt about my XX in years. I was sitting in my child hood bedroom waiting for my phone to ring ( I never had a phone in my room ) I don't know if the phone actually rang or if I called him. I could hear a girls voice in the background. I don't remember what the conversation that we have is about until he asks me if he can have another girlfriend because this other girl Tony is okay with it. I said I guess we are breaking up then because NO it's not okay we can't all live together, He asked why not and I answered that with three people one person is always lonely. He then announces that he chooses her because she is there and I am not. Then I say fine I am calling your mother and telling her what a freak you are. I don't call though but only because I cannot remember the number.

Ronald Mc Donald's bitch

I could be drinking a cup of coffee or grabbing a quick bite to eat but I would rather take these few moments and write/complain because that is what I do best. Not the writing part but the complaining rather. Just in case their is someone out there that has not already picked up on this I HATE MY JOB! I am working on finding something else with flexible hours but it is looking pretty bleak. I think that the part that I hate most is that there are often no restroom breaks and I have had more UTI's since working there than I have had in my entire life. Coincidence I think not! I know... Too much info. I have tried to get fired from this job but I think that it is relatively impossible. I have said fuck you to a manager, I have not shown up, I really don't know what it would take. Bah!!!!