If you have to wear Panty Hose

I think this is really stupid but if you have to wear them I suppose its better than the real thing.

Get you air stockings here

Packing my dogs lunch

I wake up at 4:30 am each morning to make my darling husband a lunch which usually includes a sandwich. Yes Brandy I could make the lunch the night before but I am up making coffee anyway and a fresher sandwich tastes better. Yes I could buy a coffee pot with a timer, but I do not have a robot to pour the coffee so it would almost defeat the purpose. Yes he could pour his own damn coffee but then he would not feel loved. Well the lunches are really just in case he is actually working and gets hungry. More than half of the time there is real freshly cooked food in the vicinity and he eats that instead. Doesn't give the sandwich away. Doesn't throw it away. Doesn't feed it to the dog when he gets home, he just leaves it in his lunch box. I usually give the meat to the dog and dispose of the rest. Well my dog is getting a bit rotund so lunch meat,taquitos or chicken salad is no longer part of his diet. As I was throwing out the sandwich today it finally dawned on me that all this time I've been waking up at four in the morning to make sandwiches and cook for my dog. Not that I mind doing this for my dog. He is certainly more appreciative of my efforts. However I am certain that he would not require me to wake up so early to do this. Perhaps I should start packing Kelly things that I think that the dog might enjoy, of course these lunches would have to fall within the guidelines of the dogs diet.

Are you concerned about the environment in Corpus Christi

Then Go to these meetings>
Please share this invitation with others in our community. www.baysfoundation.org.

If would like to be on our mailing list, call 361-882-3439 or email cbbf@baysfoundation.org.

Join CBBF at Lighthouse Lakes Park, Aransas Pass, for the April 29th Texas General Land Office Adopt-A-Beach clean-up. Follow this link GLO | Texas Adopt-A-Beach Programto the map and look for Site 16.

YEAR 15 of our COASTAL ISSUES FORUMS. Free & open to the public since 1991.
Monday, May 8, 5:30 PM

Carlos F Truan NRC Building, Room 1003, TAMUCC, Corpus Christi
Barrier Island Development Challenges
A Panel Discussion
Moderated by: R. Jay Reining, President, CBBF

Participants:

Municipal Interests:
City of Port Aransas (David Parsons)
City of Corpus Christi (Tom Utter / Barbara Bailey)

Wetland Jurisdiction:
US Army Corp of Engineers (Lloyd Mullins)

Dune Permitting & Beach Management:
Nueces County Beach Management Advisory Committee
(Fred McCutchon/Dr. Jennifer Smith-Engle/John Michael, .PE.)
City of Corpus Christi / City of Port Aranansas

Preservation & Beach Access:
The Coastal Bend Sierra Club (Pat Suter)

Resource Protection:
US Fish & Wildlife Service (Pat Clements)

Hurricane Preparedness:
National Weather Service (John Metz)

Platting/Planning/Permitting/Parks:
Nasmith Engineering Inc. (Craig Thompson, P.E. /Jay Gardner)

You are invited to submit questions/issues for our panel to address.
Email to CBBF@baysfoundation.org by May 3.

5:30 pm – Refreshments
6pm – Presentation, followed by question & answer session
7:30pm - Adjournment

CBBF is a membership based organization.

To join, visit www.baysfoundation.org or contact our office at 361-882-3439 or by email at cbbf@baysfoundation.org.

DATES TO REMEMBER

Two public meetings (6pm – 7pm) to discuss adoption of an appendix to the Parks, Recreation & Open Spaces Master Plan for a linear trail system.

· Wednesday, May 3, 2006, Luther Jones Elementary (7533 Lipes) · Thursday, May 4, 2006, Ella Barnes Elementary (2829 Oso Parkway)


· Mon. Sept. 11, 2006–Coastal Issues Forum: Shellfish Conservation


· Thursday, October 26, 2006 – 4th Annaul Coastal Bend Conservation and Environmental Stewardship Awards Banquet.

More lovely Texas children trying to make their racist daddies proud

CBSNews.com: Print This Story: "Teen Attack Suspects Had Crime Records
SPRING, Texas, April 28, 2006(CBS/AP) A 16-year-old Hispanic boy remains in critical condition today after police say he was beaten and sodomized with a plastic pipe by two white, teenage attackers.

Authorities say Keith Robert Turner, 17 and David Henry Tuck, 18 are under arrest for the attack, which happened after they believed the boy had tried to kiss a 12-year-old girl at a party Saturday at her home in Spring, Texas.

The suspects are accused of forcing the teen outside the house, beating him, cutting him with a knife, sodomizing him with a pipe, and shouting epithets 'associated with being Hispanic.'

Then, police say, Tuck kicked the pipe, causing even more damage.

Police say both the victim and the 12-year-old girl are Hispanic, as is about a fifth of the town, a suburb of about 36,000 people about ten miles north of Houston.

Lt. John Martin of the Harris County Sheriff's Department says the attackers poured bleach over their victim, in an apparent attempt to destroy DNA evidence, and then left him for dead. He was found there 12 hours later, by one of the youths who had attended the party. "

And you thought California was bad

Italy restaurant fined for "cruel" lobster display

iWon News: "ROME (Reuters) - An Italian restaurant was fined 688 euros ($855) for displaying live lobsters on ice to attract patrons, in an innovative application of an anti-cruelty law usually affecting to household pets.

A court in the northeastern city of Vicenza ruled the display was a form of abuse dooming the crustaceans to a slow death by suffocation.

'We're appealing,' said Giuseppe Scalesia, who runs La Conchiglia D'Oro, or 'Golden Shell,' restaurant along with his brother Camillo.

'They said that the lobsters, laying on the ice, suffer... They compared them in court to other animals, like cats and dogs.'

The case was brought by Gianpaolo Cecchetto, a former environmental activist, who took his two young children to the Vicenza restaurant in May 2002.

'They were shocked by the display,' Cecchetto told Reuters, adding he immediately got in touch with the ENPA national animal protection entity. 'ENPA took care of the lawyers and legal proceedings.'

Italy has some of the world's toughest animal rights laws. The city of Rome in October banned goldfish bowls, seen as cruel, while Turin passed a law last year that would fine dog owners 500 euros unless they walked their canine friends at least three times a day."

Contemplations of happiness

Lydia Nolen: I wish I could read tea leaves

dragonez: Why do you want to read tea leaves

Lydia Nolen: So I can predict the future

dragonez: What do you want to know and why would you want to know the future
dragonez: It is n't usually a good time
dragonez: And even if you know there is generally very little you can do to change it

Lydia Nolen: So I can help Kelly be happy

dragonez: You can't help kelly be happy
dragonez: Kelly has to find that himself
dragonez: Did you read illusions yet

Lydia Nolen: No, I haven't done much reading lately

dragonez: It is not possible to do anything for another person
dragonez: Do you have illusions
dragonez: No one can make you happy or sad or pissed off
dragonez: You do that to yourself

Lydia Nolen: No haven't got the book yet but obviously I have illusions
Lydia Nolen: I could guide him

dragonez: Actually the book is more that the world is an illusion where we play and learn what we need to and that some people live misewrable lives because thats what they like
dragonez: No you can't
dragonez: And you are really deluding yourself thinking that

Lydia Nolen: I have guides, and God guides me

dragonez: You can set an example of someone who lives their life well
dragonez: You chose those as your guides and they still have no more power than you give them
dragonez: Trust Kelly is hysterically happy compared to Les I have wrestled with this for a long time
dragonez: You can guard them and protect them from themselves but only if they let you and trying to make them happy actually defeats the purpose because they don't want it and don't notice it and you will resent all the effort you have put in to it eventually

Lydia Nolen: That is true, I do choose what I follow
Lydia Nolen: Do you think meds would help Les

dragonez: Neither of us are big believers in medication tends to mask problems rather than solving them
dragonez: He is amazed everyday he wakes up because he was sure someone would kill him before he was 30

Lydia Nolen: Some problems are not problems but rather who we are and what we've experienced. You can accept things that you cannot change but why not take a drug to comfort you

dragonez: Kelly is just afraid of the world and you are afraid of losing kelly and you are quite a pair
dragonez: Why should you have to
dragonez: Why shouldn't you face who you are and revel in your differences and fuck the rest of the world if they can't take a joke

Lydia Nolen: I'm not afraid of losing Kelly

dragonez: To some extent you are or you would not let him get away with the things he does
dragonez: And you probably will be for about 10 more years if you follow the normal female pattern

Lydia Nolen: I don't thin it is worth the effort some times
Lydia Nolen: Kelly is not very good with conflict

dragonez: Maybe not of losing him but of being alone and of failing and not making the marriage work because all women are martyrs and if the marriage fails in your mind it will be your fault which means for some reason you weren't good enough

Lydia Nolen: He cannot even take a joke

dragonez: Most men can't and you have to remember Men have been our Gods for the last 1000 years and now they have been thrown into to this new world where none of the rules apply and its not like any one is going out of their way to assimilate them into the new world order
dragonez: and they don't like the new world order because they no longer have a set place in it
dragonez: Hell we don't even need them to have children anymore

Lydia Nolen: I'm really not of that mind anymore the losing him. He is making progress towards being human. I don't think that there are too many things I could do to run him off. Mainly what hurts me right now is the realization that he does not like who I really am.

dragonez: But only because you allow it to hurt you
dragonez: They don't generally like who we are because we aren't usually ourselves until several years into the marriage when we decide its not worth the effort anymore
dragonez: He just wants you to be the cute litttle child he married not a grown up woman with thoughts and opinions again I hae run down the same road

Lydia Nolen: Kelly told me I was needy the other day, and that confused me

dragonez: Kelly does anything he can to maintain control over you

Lydia Nolen: I don't thinkof myself that way

dragonez: I don't think of you as needy - BUt I don't really think you have decided who you are going to be when you grow up yet
dragonez: Personally I am looking forward to meeting the old lady you become

Lydia Nolen: me too
Lydia Nolen: I'm looking forward to meeting the old lady I'll become also

dragonez: It will be fun
dragonez: I will get illusions for
dragonez: you
dragonez: and for kelly he should read it too

Lydia Nolen: thanks
Lydia Nolen: Well my main progress for this year is just that I am doing what I want and just letting Kelly moan about it

dragonez: And thats a great big step

Lydia Nolen: I'm not giving in to get him to shut up as I have in the past

dragonez: And we are all proud of you for making it because he can't grow up if you don't let him face challenges and changes

dragonez: Thats how everyone grows

Lydia Nolen: It has been hard because I have realized that some of the things he doesn't like about me are the things I love
Lydia Nolen: I can be and do what I want as long as it fits within his mold
Lydia Nolen: Of course he doesn't realize what he is doing

dragonez: I understand completely I had to break it down for Les when I went nutso for two years. He kept trying to tell me that both of us made comprimises but I explained that his might be surface comprimises but women sacrifice down to their soul. My 2 exaples for him were that I am a sunlight person I like the windows open and the shades up

Lydia Nolen: doesn't really care either

dragonez: He lives in a fucking cave and I have lived there with him for 24 years
dragonez: That and my cat I have slept with cats since I was born and since getting to gether with him the cat is no longer allowed even in the room
dragonez: Him agreeing after 17 years to wear shorts in public just isn't quite the same
dragonez: Or letting me have kids

Lydia Nolen: Les didn't want kids

dragonez: No NOne ever

Lydia Nolen: kids in bed you meant

dragonez: No kids at all

Lydia Nolen: oooohh

dragonez: Kids in bed was never an ooption except when I was nursing April
dragonez: He in general pretty much hates all children

Lydia Nolen: That sucks

dragonez: Well as he says he is not prejudice he hates everybody

Lydia Nolen: Kelly loves kids, just not supervising or cooking or cleaning for them
dragonez: I told you Kelly is vastly les fucked up than Les but still fucked up in his own unique way

dragonez: HIs whole family is screwed up

Lydia Nolen: Well I guess that the fact that I am with Kelly is a testament to my own mental illness.

dragonez: YEs we all have it
dragonez: And we spend our lives working out who we really are and if we are lucky someday we figure it out

Lydia Nolen: Brandy I just want to enjoy my life and be happy

dragonez: In that case you will generally have to do it without a man
dragonez: Or live in la la land with me

Lydia Nolen: yes lets live in lala land

dragonez: Or just accept that this is what this part is and become yet another woman who is waiting for the husband she loves to die

dragonez: La la Land is great but you do crash sometimes and trust me those moments are not pretty

Lydia Nolen: I told him some of my plans for after his death
Lydia Nolen: It hasn't seemed to bother himLydia Nolen: I think he thinks I'm joking
Lydia Nolen: or that he is never going to die

dragonez: No it doesn't bother LEs either I think he is happy knowing I am planning something but then as I said he thinks he should have been dead the last 15 years
dragonez: Or both

Lydia Nolen: Maybe he is dead
Lydia Nolen: Just still breathing

dragonez: Could be - as long as his ghost keeps doing sishes and cleaning units I can live with that

To realize
The value of a sister
Ask someone
Who doesn't have one.

To realize
The value of ten years:
Ask a newly
Divorced couple.

To realize
The value of four years:
Ask a graduate.

To realize
The value of one year:
Ask a student who
Has failed a final exam.

To realize
The value of nine months:
Ask a mother who gave birth to a stillborn.

To realize
The value of one month:
Ask a mother
who has given birth to
A premature baby.

To realize
The value of one week:
Ask an editor of a weekly newspaper.

To realize
The value of one minute:
Ask a person
Who has missed the train, bus or plane.

To realize
The value of one-second:
Ask a person
Who has survived an accident.

Time waits for no one.

Things to do in Corpus Christi at the Tango Tea Room - If you have been there yet you should go

Calendar of Events
Yin Yang Fandango & The Tango Tea Room
505 S Water Street
(behind Memorial Coliseum)
361-883-9123
www.tangofandango.com

BUDDHIST WORKSHOP
This Sat. April 29th 2pm-4pm
Buddhist Teacher Kelsang Inchug
from Chittamani Buddhist Center in Austin
$15 Donation
We had a great time last month..don't miss this inspirational and relaxing workshop.
Please support our peaceful guest from Austin!

Community Drum Circle
Bring drums, rattles, & shakers
This Sat. April 29th @ 8pm FREE
also Sat May 13th & Sat May 20th

Free Belly Dance Class
This Sat. April 29th @ 7pm
also Sat May 20th @ 7pm

Ballabajoomba Poetry Slam
Fridays April 28th
also May 12th, 19th, 26th @ 8pm
*************************************************************************************************
Rocky Horror Picture Show
Film & Live Cast Production
Fri May 5th & Sat May 6th @ 9pm
$3 donation
*********************************************************

SPRINGFEST w/ live music,
art booths, burger cookout
Sat May 27th @ 5pm FREE Customer Appreciation Party
If you are interested in setting up a table to sell your art just let us know...it's free...we are working on a band!

Free Kundalini Yoga Class
Every Saturday @ 9am

Didgeridoo Workshop
Sat May 13th @ 6:30pm $25

Spiritual Cinema Night (date change)
Tuesday May 13th @7pm
We're showing a fantastic film called "One Giant Leap" More info to come.

Don't miss
Shireem's 22nd Annual SHIMMY BY THE SEA!
An International Dance Show featuring Belly Dance, Polynesian Dance, African, Tahitian
Also, Vendors, Jewelry, CD's
Buy your presale tickets at
Yin Yang Fandango & The Tango Tea Room !!
Friday May 12th $10 at door, $9 presale
Saturday May 13th, $10 at door, $9 presale
At Radisson Beach Resort Ballroom
3200 Surfside
Corpus Christi, TX
Doors open at 7pm, Show starts at 7:30

The Breast Cancer Site : Fund Mammograms for Free

Please click once a day. It's free and helps those who can't afford mammograms. Every time you click, you help!

The Breast Cancer Site : Fund Mammograms for Free

Tell Someone about cervical cancer and other consequences of HPV

Tell Someone about cervical cancer and other consequences of HPV

YouTube - Broadcast Yourself.

YouTube - Broadcast Yourself.

Some Interesting Places to buy food

Adriana's Caravan


Organic Food Home Delivery Nationwide Overnight by Diamond Organics

Earthy Delights - Where Great Chefs Buy!

Anyone shopping for me could buy stuff from any of these places

TerraPass | Prevent global warming, reduce carbon dioxide pollution, promote alternative energy

TerraPass | Prevent global warming, reduce carbon dioxide pollution, promote alternative energy


A good way to give back to the earth with out giving up much.

HAPPY EARTH DAY

Quote of the day

Just finished reading Andrew Greeley's "The Priestly Sins" Good book as usual. I love Andrew Greeley and his whole vision of God Now if the churches could just get it as well as he does maybe I would go back and I have to admit he makes it sound inviting at times.

Quote of the day from this Book is from Father Blackie:

"I am always reminded of the saying that those whom the Gods would destroy, they usually persuade to dig their own holes."

Anyway Good Book - Romance, Priests and the insanity of the priest molestions all wrapped into one. To buy the book Click on the link below.

The Priestly Sins

Poor Poor Dead Doughboy

It is with the saddest heart that I must pass on the following news.

Please join me in prayer, remembering a great icon of the entertainment community.

The Pillsbury Doughboy died yesterday of a yeast infection and trauma complications from repeated pokes in the belly. He was 71. Doughboy was buried in a lightly greased coffin. Dozens of celebrities turned out to pay their respects, including Mrs. Butterworth, Hungry Jack, the California Raisins, Betty Crocker, the Hostess Twinkies, Snap-Crackle and Pop along with Captain Crunch.

The grave site was piled high with flours. Aunt Jemima delivered the eulogy and lovingly described Doughboy as a man who never knew how much he was kneaded.

Doughboy rose quickly in show business, but his later life was filled with turnovers. He was not considered a very smart cookie, wasting much of his dough on half-baked schemes. Despite being a little flaky at times he was still a crusty old man and was considered a roll model for millions.

Doughboy is survived by his wife , Play Dough, two children, John Dough and Jane Dough, plus they had one in the oven. He is also survived by his elderly dad, Pop Tart.

The funeral was held at 3:50 for about 20 minutes.

Drunk Blogging/Drunk philosopher

Well technically speaking not exactly drunk blogging. I have only had one drink, but it was rather large. Everyone is asleep in my home with the exception of myself so I thought I would steal this precious time to blog. A lot of things on my mind at the moment. I spoke with a friend today who's wife is suffering from depression and I felt a connection to him as I know what it is like to love someone that does not always love themselves and really that is the best way to describe it. So my prayer for the entire world myself included is that they can be happy in their present circumstances. Today, I'm not praying for freedom, world peace, equality or any other lofty notion but merely the simple power to find joy in your life as it is in this moment. Because everything is in this moment and there will never be an y time that is better than now. That's a universal truth. Not that I have not inflicted my own brand of torment upon my self but for the most part each day I try my utmost to live and love my life. My biggest obstacle would be my fear but I am trying to overcome that as well. I purposely put myself in situations that I am afraid of so that I can grow from them, and some times I actually do. Not always though, sometimes I just scratch my head and think to myself that was a really dumb thing to do and served absolutely no purpose. The important thing to remember is this. Shit happens to everybody, your not fucking special. You are special, but not so much so that your not going to attract your own fair amount of shit.
I have a serious dilemma, my drink is empty but my waterbed is closer than the kitchen so it may win. Then again it may not. Who knows what kind of dribble I may come up with after just one more drink.

Easter Egg Hop Game for easter

Easter Egg Hop

Some awsome art

C Whitehorn's Main Gallery

This goes under the "Like that would ever happen" catagory but it is cute

The Good Husband
> > > > >
Jack wakes up with a huge hangover after attending his company's
Christmas Party. Jack is not normally a drinker, but the drinks
didn't taste like alcohol at all. He didn't even remember how he
got home from the party. As bad as he was feeling, he wondered if he did something wrong. Jack had to force himself to open his eyes, and the first thing he
sees is a couple of aspirins next to a glass of water on the side table.
And, next to them, a single red rose!

Jack sits up and sees his clothing in front of him, all clean and
pressed. He looks around the room and sees that it is in perfect order,
spotlessly clean. So is the rest of the house.
He takes the aspirins, cringes when he sees a huge black eye
staring back at him in the bathroom mirror.
Then he notices a note hanging on the corner of the mirror written in
red with little hearts on it and a kiss mark from his wife in lipstick:
Honey, breakfast is on the stove, I left early to get groceries to
make you your favorite dinner tonight. I love you, darling!

Love,
Jillian"
> > > > >
He stumbles to the kitchen and sure enough, there is hot
breakfast,steaming hot coffee and the morning newspaper. His son is
also at the table, eating.
Jack asks, "Son... what happened last night?"
Well, you came home after 3 A.M., drunk and out of your mind. You
fell over the coffee table and broke it, and then you puked in the
hallway, and got that black eye when you ran into the door."
Confused he asked his son, "So, why is everything in such perfect
order and so clean? I have a rose, and breakfast is on the table
waiting for me??"

His son replies, "Oh THAT! Mom dragged you to the bedroom, and when
she tried to take your pants off, you screamed, "Leave me alone,
lady, I'm married!"

Broken Coffee Table $59.00
Hot Breakfast $4.20
Red Rose $2.50
Two Aspirins $.38
Saying the right thing, at the right time . . PRICELESS!!!

The following is for amusement only - It is not true

This hoax has been floating around the internet since 9/11 happened and while it is an extremely creative, but slightly macabre piece of work the only actual truths contained herein are the obvious ones yes New York CIty does have 11 letters. Otherwise it is a complete and utter fabrication but makes good propaganda to people too stupid and/or lazy to check the facts and it is fun to read.

Follow the steps at the end, this is pretty creepy!

1) New York City has 11 letters

2) Afghanistan has 11 letters.

3) Ramsin Yuseb (The terrorist who threatened to destroy the Twin
Towers in 1993) has 11 letters.

4) George W Bush has 11 letters.

This could be a mere coincidence, but this gets more interesting:

1) New York is the 11th state.

2) The first plane crashing against the Twin Towers was flight number
11.

3) Flight 11 was carrying 92 passengers. 9 + 2 = 11

4) Flight 77 which also hit Twin Towers, was carrying 65 passengers.
6+5 = 11

5) The tragedy was on September 11, or 9/11 as it is now known. 9 + 1+ 1 = 11

6) The date is equal to the US emergency services telephone number 911.
9 + 1 + 1 = 11.

Sheer coincidence..?! Read on and make up your own mind:

1) The total number of victims inside all the hi-jacked planes was 254. >2 + 5 + 4 = 11.

2) September 11 is day number 254 of the calendar year.
Again 2 + 5 + 4 = 11.

3) The Madrid bombing took place on 3/11/2004. 3 + 1 + 1 + 2 + 4 = 11.

4) The tragedy of Madrid happened 911 days after the Twin Towers
incident.

Sheer coincidence..?! Read on and make up your own mind:

The tragedy of Madrid happened 911 days after the Twin Towers incident.

Now this is where things get totally eerie:

The most recognised symbol for the US, after the Stars & Stripes, is the Eagle. The following verse is taken from the Quran, the Islamic holy book:

"For it is written that a son of Arabia would awaken a fearsome Eagle. he wrath of the Eagle would be felt throughout the lands of Allah and lo, while some of the people trembled in despair still more rejoiced: for the wrath of the Eagle cleansed the lands of Allah and there was peace."

That verse is number 9.11 of the Quran.

Still uncovinced about all of this..?! Try this and see how you feel afterwards, it made my hair stand on end:

Open Microsoft Word and do the following:

1. Type in capitals Q33 NY. This is the flight number of the first
plane to hit one of the Twin Towers.

2. Highlight the Q33 NY.

3. Change the font size to 48.

4. Change the actual font to the WINGDINGS

scary huh??

Ooooh Ya I am scared - Scared of the people that believe this stuff

I did my own taxes...after 21 years of not having to deal with it. Of course, back then, it was a W-2 or maybe two, and maybe some bank account interest. Now, I have Schedule C, Schedule A, long form...sigh...

The good news...I get everything back I paid in...$32.40....Whoooopie...

For Lydia To understand the fool

If you want to start where Dona and I did do this one
The first book of the tawny man series

If you want to start at the beginning of the series pick this one

Creative Parenting

Whenever my children have committed offenses that they will not readily admit to I have often employed a little known but highly effected trick of the trade. Note unless your kids are particularly naive this technique is only effective till about age 8 or so. Unfortunately after this point they start to wise up. My parents used a variation of this method on me and it worked longer than I care to admit. I know that many of you dear blog readers might believe that DNA testing is only useful in the crime solving and paternity arena. If you are a parent of a stubborn child that would rather die than tell the truth this new use for DNA testing may just come in handy for you. Especially since your local Walgreen's, CVS, Eckerd, (insert any local pharmacy name here) has started carrying those results in 15 minutes DNA tests. My eldest son Blaze was about t o cry after learning that yet again another one of Walgreens DNA strips had caught him red handed trying to torture his sister by offering her a cup of lemonade that smelled suspiciously like, well I'm not going to say. Just imagine something else that is liquid and yellow. The worst part about it was that he was going to have to pay back the cost of the DNA testing with illegal child labor. Ever since I implemented the new rule that if you force me to resort to DNA testing because you won't stop lying and the results of the DNA test implicate said child. The guilty party will have to pay Mommy restitution for the cost of the DNA test. In any case I was about to start gloating for cracking yet another case when my husband walks up and calls me an asshole and hugs Blaze and tells him that I'm a compulsive liar. He then goes on to tell me that the reason my kids are such smart asses is because I am innapropriate and immature. Well I took a pole and everyone involved agrees that my actions were nothing more than a stroke of genius creative parenting. So I encourage all parents to employ this technique, and for those of you that are not yet parents you may want to keep it in your files. Who knows when it might be of use to you.

The Back-Up Retirement Plan . . .

In the event that the previously posted retirement plan of running away to Mexico and staying drunk and flashing my hairy sagging body doesn't work out, (after all - we might end up like Thelma and Louise and I hate dropping from heights), the following is actually Brandy's Plan A for the Golden Years:

"Welding sounds like fun. Giant metal sculptures for the fallow fields cause I want acreage but I am not going to farm. Huge clay fishes swimming through the trees and a restaurant that only serves one family a night and you have to reserve your spot years in advance. Books to write and maybe even a fortune teller or two for extra cash. Probably going to call it Grandma's House. A bunch of friends and I have all these plans for when we are old and our husbands are gone. We have an interesting assortment of women who are going to spend our old age together and it's not like I can depend on Social Security or the lottery to see me through old age so I am going for a more creative angle. We will, of course, keep a few men around to lift heavy things and kill bugs in exchange for free rent and food, as we will be too old for them to want anything else."

Irrational Thoughts

Got my phone bill today and plastered across the front was AT&T in giant blue letters and my first thought was I don't use AT&t. I use SBC, which I admit hasn't impressed me much except for their repair guys. However my dislike of them is nothing like the visceral wrench my stomach had when reading the AT&T on the envelope of that bill. Within the next 2 weeks I will most likely rid myself of them completely. My company offers really good DSL which I can leech for free, with their already given permission. They told us we could when we opened I was just to lazy to set up the wireless network but odds are good it will be done this week. And I have a cell phone and Yahoo so that land line isn't really needed either.

You may wonder what AT&T ever did to me to cause such hatred on my part but the truth is, Nothing. My mother has always used AT&T and been very happy. The breakup of the phone company happened during my teen years and for a time before that there were all the stories of how rotten AT&T was to their customers but since SBC actually bought AT&T and not the other way around it really shouldn't bother me, though it is a little strange seeing as how SBC was one of the break apart companies when the whole thing dissolved. Must have a feather in their cap to buy the old giant. But why did they have to go and change their name. Now I have to change phone companies.

I know this doesn't make sense, not even to me but there it is they will lose my 70.00 a month just because it turns my stomach to think of paying them.

Luckily I may have a valid excuse.

ABC 4 - Ovary Removal Dementia Risk

And I think I will claim it since I lost my ovary at 19. However with my mood swings
my husband is pretty sure there is still enough estrogen running through my system or maybe that's just the dementia setting in slowly

At any rate I still hate AT&T

Twisted sister (in-law)

I am suppose to go and help my sister in law today with tax preperation, and am also suppose to learn how she runs her business so that I can help her occasionally. Apparently I made plans to do this last week although I have no recollection of it. I vaguely remember giving her my schedule a few minutes after I recieved it and that's about all. I am rather forgetful at times, but I don't really believe that any firm plans were made as I am somewhat reliable and feel that I would have at least tried to remember it. I am looking forward to this about as much as I look forward to going to the dentist and that is just slightly a little more than I look forward to the annual pap smear.

Reasons why I don't want to do this

Her house smells like smoke.

And not the kind of smoke where you walk into someones house and you note to yourself, oh they smoke. I mean going into her house is a whole new adventure in breathing. Please keep in mind that I worked in a bar and the smokiness was never an issue, just had to wash my hair twice each night that I worked. A sticky layer of nicotine envelopes the house and transfers onto your clothing.

She talks incessantly about things such as an ex-boyfriends ex-girlfriend and how she thinks that they should run their life. Like I care. Like she should care. She is the kind of person where you can have an hour long conversation and you will get about two words in, and she is offended if your attention drifts, and mine often does. If I laugh at innapropriate times as I do often she makes this face like a combination of shock and horror. Not to be confused with shock and awe. Instead of enjoying the fact that I was the cause of this expression I always end up feeling guilty and wishing I could control these fits of laughter. Maybe I have a mild form of tourette's syndrome. I think I'm going start cussing random assholes out and then blame it on my tourette's.

Well, It was not so bad just some data entry and alot of listening to some of the aforementioned tribulations. I love this woman because she is my husbands sister and she also has some endearing quality's what exactly they are I have not figured out yet but I am positive that she has them.

Because I Want To Join Lydia's Club...

In an effort to be called names that make you giggle and be allowed into Lydia's man-hating lesbian club, I submit the following. (P.S. - Lydia, I haven't forgotten you - it's been an unusually busy weekend but I promise to fulfill my obligation to you within the next 48 hours. Am looking forward to it.)



Because I'm a man, when I lock my keys in the car, I will fiddle with a coat hanger long after hypothermia has set in. Calling AAA is not an option. I will win. =====

Because I'm a man, when the car isn't running very well, I will pop the hood and stare at the engine as if I know what I'm looking at. If another man shows up, one of us will say to the other, "I used to be able to fix these things, but now with all these computers and everything, I wouldn't know where to start." We will then drink a couple of beers and break wind, as a form of holy communion.
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Because I'm a man, when I catch a cold, I need someone to bring me soup and take care of me while I lie in bed and moan. You're a woman. You never get as sick as I do, so for you, this is no problem.
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Because I'm a man, I can be relied upon to purchase basic groceries at the store, like milk or bread. I cannot be expected to find exotic items like "cumin" or "tofu." For all I know, these are the same thing.
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Because I'm a man, when one of our appliances stops working, I will insist on taking it apart, despite evidence that this will just cost me twice as much once the repair person gets here and has to put it back together.
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Because I'm a man, I must hold the television remote control in my hand while I watch TV. If the thing has been misplaced, I may miss a whole show looking for it.....though one time I was able to survive by holding a calculator.....(applies to engineers mainly).
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Because I'm a man, there is no need to ask me what I'm thinking about. The true answer is always either sex, cars, sex, sports or sex. I have to make up something else when you ask, so don't ask.
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Because I'm a man, I do not want to visit your mother, or have your mother come visit us, or talk to her when she calls, or think about her any more than I have to. Whatever you got her for Mother's Day is okay; I don't need to see it. And don't forget to pick up something for my mother, too.
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Because I'm a man, you don't have to ask me if I liked the movie. Chances are, if you're crying at the end of it, I didn't....and if you are feeling amorous afterwards....then I will certainly at least remember the name and recommend it to others.
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Because I'm a man, I think what you're wearing is fine. I thought what you were wearing five minutes ago was fine, too. Either pair of shoes is fine. With the belt or without it, looks fine. Your hair is fine. You look fine. Can we just go now?
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Because I'm a man, and this is, after all, the year 2006, I will share equally in the housework. You just do the laundry, the cooking, the cleaning, the vacuuming, and the dishes, and I'll do the rest...... like wandering around in the garden with a beer wondering what to do.
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This has been a public service message for women to better understand men.