A Little Something From Our Long Lost Member

If the crap heap that is currently my life ever clears up, I may even blog a real blog.
This came from Doris, who hasn't blogged in a year or so, making me look good with my once every six months or so.
I know those of you who are not blessed with the presence of a goat (or several!) in your lives might not fully appreciate the truth in the humor of the following, but I think you will enjoy it, nonetheless.

I am Woman, hear me BAAAAA!!!!
It's that time again. I take a deep breath, trying to clear my mind in preparation of the task ahead. I swallow, and take another breath. My hand shaking, I reach out and open the gate, tightening my grasp with the other hand. One step inside, and its too late to change my mind, the attack has begun. I duck to the right, then the left, finally spinning completely around and ducking back to the left, hoping to surprise and delay them. Like a pack of starving, snarling wolves they descend upon me, determined to stomp me into the mud, and steal IT. The Holy Grail of Goats: The FEED BUCKET!

Pushing and shoving, gasping for breath, only one thing on my mind, safely getting to the other side and back ALIVE!

Finally, its over. Weakened, weary, gasping for breath, I make it back out the gate. Thankful, for another day. Lucky my clothing is mostly intact. And as I stumble back to the humble little farmouse, there is nothing but the horrible sound of feeding behind me, the clash of horns and the thud of impact with other bodies. Another mealtime is over at MisFit Farm. Gee, I get to do it again tomorrow. Whee?

Kelly is a big fat dope part IX

My husband is a moron. I was tired last night from PMS low iron kids whatever. I made dinner and at 8 oclock I told Kelly I was going to go to bed (he came home from work early and took a nap) Kelly then announced he wanted to have sex so I better not fall asleep. I then asked him to put the boys to bed (they were the only ones home) and join me. So he just got annoyed and went up stairs and slept on the couch feeling sorry for himself. Why because he is a chauvenistic moron. Most normal males that actually wanted to have sex would have put the 2 kids in bed. So today he rags on me ands says that he is not going to pay me off to have sex. Yes his status as a big fat moron is forever confirmed as if there was ever even any doubt. Lets disect the sittuation.

I was tired and wanted to sleep
He wanted sex
The kids needed to be put to bed
I thought it was a nice compromise
He should have did it just to be nice

I called him an idiot today to his face well not really I said it on the phone and he was wounded probably because deep down this is what he really thinks of himself and it probably hurt coming from me but he needed to hear it sooner or later. That was because of an entirely different subject all together. By the way forgot to pay fro my grammar class and it's just as well. Probably wouldn't have had time with the kids.

Philosophy of Lying

You can skip this blog or read it and dismiss it as only the words dribbling out of the mind of a distressed woman. What defines a lie? A half truth? A creative embellishment, a broken promise. I have have on occasion attempted to define what a lie is and is not, with a little help from my friends. The general consensus is that if you mean something at the time you say it then it is not really a lie. This is in no way my opinion. I think that if you say something and act contrary then it is a lie.
I have been lied to time and time again, I should no by now not to believe a damn thing that falls out of your face.
By definition you are a very honest man as I sincerely believe that you truly mean every word that you say in the moment. The problem is that you are prone to your whims and are easily sold by a good sales pitch. This apply's to all areas of your life. I have on occasion considered myself a real seller but for some reason you are immune to whatever it is that I am selling. You half heartedly appease me and applaude me when my ideas flourish but on the other hand I get raked over the coals and I told you so for every one of those ideas that bloom into something mediocre. You think nothing of changing our lives at the drop of a dime, and I am unsure how I should feel about this.

We went to look at a little house in Callallen, not too far from town. Plenty of room, virtually no neighbors. A big kitchen, lots of cabinets, and the price is right. Once again you sucked me in, I didn't want to get too excited before we signed a contract but you were already telling me everything you were going to do to the place. The kids would be able to have animals. All kinds of pretty little lies. I know you and I know that you are prone to changing your mind I accept and expect this from you. This is a normal part of living with you. You seemed so excited and I was smiling. Because we have often wanted a little room to roam but have been hesitant to leave the city and this would be a nice compromise. I had butterflies in my stomache waiting to hear back from the seller.

Then you got a phone call. A man telling you about a job two hours away from home, more work less money. I didn't see how this could make sense. You'll be gone more, make less money. I was just not getting it. I am kind of slow at times then it fell out of your face and hit me. I finally understood when you said it. You brought up the house and said that I really didn't want to consider this new opportunity because I had my heart set on that house that we don't even know that we'll get. I honestly hadn't even thought about the house. The way you said it, seemed to chastise me for looking forward to something that had not yet happened. Which was funny because just the day before you had encouraged me to look forward to it. So the house thing isn't going to happen, the job thing may or may not happen but I know why you do what you do now. Finally figured it out, you are afraid to be happy. One day you are telling me your dreams and the next day what you are actually doing is whatever you can to sabotage them because you will always want some reason why you cannot ne happy.
The theme of the last month was that you just want to make money and be close to your family. Now you want to get an apartment in another city and visit us on the weekends and for less money even. I really wish you would come out and say it. Just say that you don't love me and that you don't want a family because that would make more sense and I could accept that. I feel like I'm living in an parralel universe with you some times. We were actually in the middle of a conversation about our plans for the future when you got the call. I didn't know you wanted that. Maybe you didn't know you wanted that, so your really not a liar because you meant what you said when you said it, you just change your mind alot. I'm pretty damn pathetic, I just sadly said do what you go where you want I'll go with you. So if you are not a liar what are you? A man afflicted with multiple personalities that are polar opposites from one another? It's a strange trip with you my love. The best means of coping that I can think of is to let everything you say go in one ear and out the other.

Knudsen Wierdo Topless Chef Dream

I had an odd dream last night, I awoke with words on my lips that seemed completely unrelated to my dream. A very strang edream indeed even for me.

As the dream begins I am preparing an egagement party or it could have been a wedding rehersal dinner I am not quite sure. I am at a wholesale farmers market of sorts the kind of place that in imagine that real gourmets frequent. My hands are sorting through piles of some green sort of vegetation, it could be watercress and then I am buying onions and I'm planning on making something with short fat noodles and whatever converstaion takes place is some how related to the meal that I am going to prepare that evening. I remember cream.
In the next scene I am in the kitchen of a very upscale apartment or some other sort of very large building but I really think it was someones dwelling. I feel nervous and a little sad about the evening. A woman walks in as I am making preperations. I know her but not well and I some how pick up that she is feeling as I am.

In the next scene I find myself walking to and into a bar, yes of the topless variety. Of course I am not just a visitor but an employee. I walk into a dressing area, with stalls and mirrors. (Which seems funny because there were no stalls in my experience entertaimers not being the modest sort.) I can't remember any nudity but very pretty costumes. I didn't want to leave the dressing room, I kept looking in th e mirror and I looked great. My costume was all soft lace and very feminine. Another girl with a pretty body but not a pretty face emerged from the stall opposite me wearing the same ;ittle, lace number in a different color. She seemd not to mind. She poured baby oil in my hair as she walked passed i guess she did mind. A very young girl maybe 13 began to laugh at me. So I poured oil in her hair and she bagan to cry then ran off. I was standing there trying to figure out how I was going to clean up when a handsome 40 0r 50 ish man comes in and is not happy with me for what I've done to his daughter. I lied of course and said thatt it was the other girl that did it to us both. I don't think that he bought it but we exchanged a few pleasant words and was in his arms soon after and it was delightful. It was not a sexual thing just a very comforting warm safe sense of well being. I remember thinking this is a terrible man and yet I had no desire to be anything but close to him.

I could have stayed there indefinatly but I then remembered my chef duties and the impending nuptuals. I remembered them and they were just enough to keep me from being blissfully happy but not enough to make me leave at the moment. Eventually I left and it was a new day. I walked along the boulevard with the bride to be she was elaborately decked out possibly in ethnic attire and the groom walked behind us. I linked my arm in his and we walked to a farm of sorts. The young groom entered a treehouse while the bride cried that she was i n love with another. The other being my handsome man from the topless bar, I discovered his name was Wolf. I then felt immense sympathy for her and comforted her by telling her that he was a very bad man and that he did not love her or me or anyone else and that she was better off with the young man.
Secretly I planned to rondezvous with Wolf not caring how incredibly little moral character he possesed. The wedding party dined on the top floor of the treehouse and I stood at the door and watched. Then I waited in the field below.

When I awake I had two words on the tip of my tongue. Knudsen and another word which I promptly forgot. I think it is a name of a business. Industrial, Industries, something similar maybe. Getting the feeling there is something I need to do but I do not know what.